I have been on hiatus for a few months, but I've been once again been inspired to share my thoughts (even if no one reads them) in regards to parenting. In light of this past week's disheartening events in Connecticut, I posted the following words on Facebook and challenge you to think about them as many of us are in the middle of making choices in how to effectively raise our children.
I encourage you to watch the attached video. Please put aside any immediate political dislikes as what Mr. Huckabee has to say is something we should all take to heart. I'd like to add a few points:
Throughout the past few days, I've heard person after person say we should pray. We should go home and hug our kids. We should figure out how to stop all the violence! While these are all valid points, I think they point out a flaw in our thinking--we should already be doing these things every day.
Can these simple daily acts make everything better? No, but they can add comfort, strength, and moral guidance when needed. They can bring us closer to God, the creator of this universe, the maker and giver of life. However, as Mr. Huckabee so eloquently states, we've taken God out of the equation, we've pushed him away. As a few of my colleagues stated at work today, "Maybe things seem worse than the past due to readily available news, but more likely we're getting worse and worse. We're more selfish, more violent, and more mentally unstable, as a society, than ever before." Of course we can come up with all kinds of reasons for this, but there can be no argument that the more and more we've taken away faith and morality and made them unique to everyone's own interpretation of who they are in and of themselves, the more we've seen society decline.
We believe we deserve whatever material possessions, and we're now in a terrible economic crisis, blaming everyone but ourselves.
We have taken life, something that was so sacred and valued during our grandparents' generations, and we’ve reduced it to "a tissue we can get rid of if it gets in our way."
We've made The Hunger Games, a story about survival of the fittest where killing all other children is necessary to preserve one's life, the number one best seller among teens, applauding “murder” because it’s fictitious.
We've taken moral and absolute truths with regards to marriage, love, and parenting, things that were also once sacred, and have again devalued them, bringing persecution to those who hold to such "traditional, antiquated" beliefs.
We’ve told our school systems to raise our children and train them in the right direction, but we’ve taken all faith-based moral guidance out of public schools, reducing teachers’ training motivation to “You need to learn this to be more successful,” which means “to make money,” but just look around. Those with great wealth show no more happiness than those without. In fact that propensity, that desire for wealth often is what brings so much emotional pain to people.
That was a horrible, evil crime committed last Friday, but when I turned on the late news, I heard over and over person after person from around this state and around this country being robbed, being hurt, being murdered. These things happen daily around the world. When people ask the question, “How can this happen?” we have the answer right in front of us, and we are the only people who can stop it, but must be willing to step out, be willing to not be ashamed of God’s truth and be willing to be the change in society rather than be changed by society.
We’ve spent the last fifty-sixty years conducting the great experiment of putting our trust and faith in human beings, fallible, selfish beings. Maybe it’s time to adjust and put our faith in something else!
Please feel free to share this, not for me but for those twenty-seven individuals whose lives were so tragically taken from this earth.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I'm Sick!
It's been a little while since my last post, mostly due to the point that sickness has been running through the family and hit me hard, which is abnormal. I think I took my first legit sick day in over two years. So, I've decided what better topic to discuss than how to handle being a sick parent.
First, let's look at how to care for a sick husband/wife. The reality is that kids add a whole new dynamic to being sick. Before kids, if I or Faith were sick, we'd have some lazy days of TV watching, with the healthy spouse waiting hand and foot on the unhealthy one. With kids, that becomes more challenging. First, you must decide, "Should you both stay home, one being sick and the other taking care of kids, if they're at home, or can you handle having the kids all day even though your sick?" If your kids go to daycare, preschool, etc., this is an easy one. Don't keep them home, even though you'll be tempted, because you need your rest. The most important thing is for the sick patient to rest and begin the healing process. Therefore, the healthy spouse must step up to the plate! Men, this may mean you take the kids out of the house for a while, go out to eat, and entertain the kids so your wife can rest. Women, this goes the same for you if your husband is sick. I know for stay-at-home moms this can be difficult as you've already been with the kids all day, but you chose that life and you need to do for your husband what you would want your husband to do for you. I know sometimes I brag on my wife, but she was awesome this last time I was sick. Granted, she doesn't see me sick often, but she would have served me food in bed all day if I would have let her.
On the flip side, if you are the sick one, you need to be aware that you can be a burden. From experience with others, I have definitely noticed that for some reason most women deal with sickness better that men, especially mothers. Therefore, Men, sometimes you must suck it up. You may be feeling horrible and you may need rest, which you need to get, but don't make your wife baby you! Don't take her for granted as so many men do. I'm not saying to not act sick, because if you are then you need to do all you can to heal, but because your spouse with be exerting extra energy taking care of the children, you don't want him/her to feel like she/he needs to exert more energy on you. Likewise, sickness shouldn't prevent you from helping at the house but allow you to "work from home" or go places. If you can do those things, then you can help with the kids.
Being a sick parent is not fun, and being the healthy parent can take a lot of extra energy, but part of being a parent/spouse is being selfless, not just for your kids, but for your spouse as well, which sometimes we forget once the children arrive.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day!
Rather than take your tax return money and spend it all on a vacation, new piece of furniture, ect., put in toward something the will acquire more wealth in the future (mutual fund, stock, etc.).
First, let's look at how to care for a sick husband/wife. The reality is that kids add a whole new dynamic to being sick. Before kids, if I or Faith were sick, we'd have some lazy days of TV watching, with the healthy spouse waiting hand and foot on the unhealthy one. With kids, that becomes more challenging. First, you must decide, "Should you both stay home, one being sick and the other taking care of kids, if they're at home, or can you handle having the kids all day even though your sick?" If your kids go to daycare, preschool, etc., this is an easy one. Don't keep them home, even though you'll be tempted, because you need your rest. The most important thing is for the sick patient to rest and begin the healing process. Therefore, the healthy spouse must step up to the plate! Men, this may mean you take the kids out of the house for a while, go out to eat, and entertain the kids so your wife can rest. Women, this goes the same for you if your husband is sick. I know for stay-at-home moms this can be difficult as you've already been with the kids all day, but you chose that life and you need to do for your husband what you would want your husband to do for you. I know sometimes I brag on my wife, but she was awesome this last time I was sick. Granted, she doesn't see me sick often, but she would have served me food in bed all day if I would have let her.
On the flip side, if you are the sick one, you need to be aware that you can be a burden. From experience with others, I have definitely noticed that for some reason most women deal with sickness better that men, especially mothers. Therefore, Men, sometimes you must suck it up. You may be feeling horrible and you may need rest, which you need to get, but don't make your wife baby you! Don't take her for granted as so many men do. I'm not saying to not act sick, because if you are then you need to do all you can to heal, but because your spouse with be exerting extra energy taking care of the children, you don't want him/her to feel like she/he needs to exert more energy on you. Likewise, sickness shouldn't prevent you from helping at the house but allow you to "work from home" or go places. If you can do those things, then you can help with the kids.
Being a sick parent is not fun, and being the healthy parent can take a lot of extra energy, but part of being a parent/spouse is being selfless, not just for your kids, but for your spouse as well, which sometimes we forget once the children arrive.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day!
Rather than take your tax return money and spend it all on a vacation, new piece of furniture, ect., put in toward something the will acquire more wealth in the future (mutual fund, stock, etc.).
Monday, September 24, 2012
Parent Roles - Who's Right and Who's Wrong
It's been a few days since my last post because, well, we have three kids. More this week than in past weeks I was brought back to earth as to how much work it is raising children, especially little ones. I can't wait until there's no more diapers, no more brushing teeth, dirty underwear, etc! However, I know in some little way I'll probably miss all that when it becomes a distant memory. When such children experiences approach us, we must learn to deal with them. On that note, one of the greatest struggles parents have is dealing with discipline.
In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.
Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.
Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.
In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.
Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.
Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Find Some Storage!
While I addressed how expensive children can be in my previous blog, many of the expenses that come with children need a place to live! In other words, welcome to the world of storage!
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Children are Expensive!
There are so many different new experiences and realities about parenthood that I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with one we can all relate to - Babies/children are expensive!
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
Go to garage sales, Craigslist, and children's used clothing/toys stores. Greed and envy often times lead us to live lives based on material possessions rather than on joy and contentment. New things can be great, and we have some, but financial freedom comes when we stop worrying about what we think we need and what we want people to think of us and start being content with where we are and with what we have.
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Parenthood Here We Come!
I thought I'd take a quick opportunity to take a step back and clarify a few things about my reason for writing the blog. My purpose is not to infuriate anyone or to place blame on anyone or "females" for that matter, and least of all I'm not in any way intending to slander my wife. On the contrary, my whole intent is to share true feelings (just writing that word is tough for me) that so many people keep bottled up and/or that can help shed light on what men experience throughout the pregnancy and childbirth process.
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| What could be better but a great family set against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains! |
As I shared multiple times in the pregnancy writings, before that first child, both men and women are looking at a complete life change. I think because women are carrying the child, they become more easily attached to this new reality. However, we men don't have that connection, so it's hard for us to feel that emotional attachment. Likewise, we so often see women receiving comfort and support from other women, and often times there's a void for us. Furthermore, as I've noted previously, most literature and information about pregnancy is either about preparing to be a parent, or is focused on women. Whether or not we admit, which I rarely do, men need support and like to know that we're not the only ones experiencing the angst, loss of self, etc. that surrounds the coming of a new child.
At the same time, once that child is born, we often times feel lost. We maybe haven't read all the literature that our wives have, or maybe we thought that magically out of the womb would pop the future Heisman Award winner or the future President (I wouldn't wish that on anyone); what comes out is God's beautiful creation, but it's foreign to us.
So before I continue forward, moving toward discussing what it's like to actually be a parent, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm not the perfect parent (well, at least today I wasn't), so not everything I write is true or is what you feel or have experienced, but I know that I'm not alone. Women, please realize that men don't think like you (I hope you've realized this or life is going to be difficult for you), and, Men, please know that even if you agree with what I say, don't always say so out loud to your wife!
Finally, while much of what I write is laced with sarcasm and friendly banter, I do believe in most of what I write. As we move now to talking about being a parent, please feel free to add comments and extra dialogue. Those words will help people see different perspectives of parenthood that can be very helpful. Likewise, feel free to share the blog with your friends, husbands, and family. Thank you for your support, and above all when all else fails with raising a family, Christ is always there for us to lean on.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Learn to be content with what you have. It's that selfishness, greed, and envy that most often sends us into difficult financial situations.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Get Rid of Stress!
Let's take some time this post to share things that parents do with babies that often times makes parenting a toddler much more stressful than it needs to be. Let me be clear that I know every baby is different and God's unique creation, so there are some exceptions to the words that follow, but have an open mind.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
A Week Off Work!
After you've survived the reality of being home with your new baby, it's time to get to business! If you stay home for any extended period, you've got to figure out what those days will look like. Here's what happens with the first birth:
1)You realize the truth that babies don't do anything but sleep and/or cry! I thought Isaiah would pop out of Faith and be ready to go play some sports. Well, that idea was shot when it took two months just for Isaiah to smile.
2)You've taken days off of school, but your wife doesn't feel like going anywhere because she's either too tired, too sore, or she doesn't want the baby exposed to germs. That means you're stuck at home, or you're shopping for groceries! When your in-laws/family are staying at your house, those days could feel long (of course I didn't experience this). Some guys don't take work off for this very reason because we want to feel productive, and staying home for those days doesn't make us feel that way. However, Men, that time isn't meant for us to "be productive" but for us to support our wives and be there for our children's first moments, even if they won't remember them. This was hard for me as I'm not one to sit still, but Faith appreciated me being there.
3)I've already talked about how ridiculous it is for both parents to be up in the middle of the night, so figure out how you want to handle the night. The great thing is that babies are not predictable, so you've got to be ready to roll with the punches. If your wife breastfeeds, figure out who's going to stay up with the baby if he/she doesn't fall back to sleep. It's especially awesome (insert some sarcasm here) when babies switch their nights and days. Good luck with whoever gets the night shift!
4)If you're bottle feeding, there's absolutely no need for both people to be up. Take shifts while the other people sleeps. On this note, if you notice your baby cries a lot, don't just accept it and label your baby colicky. Change formulas, try non-dairy, etc. I know there are things that make babies cry, but I've known many people who could have saved lots of stress and crying by trying to solve the problem rather than just accepting it.
5)While you're home, take advantage of the time and relax. Don't feel guilty if you're watching a lot of movies or are not going out anywhere. You need to bank as much rest time as possible before you go back to work.
Financial Tip of the Day:
This is my personal plug, but go to www.solavei.com. This company is creating a revolution in the cell phone industry, and you can be part of it. $50 a month for 4G unlimited everything, and you can be paid just by signing people up. We don't even have our phones yet and should be getting a $90 paycheck this month. It will hopefully only increase each month for as long as we maintain service. Do no pre-judge or associate with pyramid companies. We don't remember people who quit but rather people who go out and make a difference. If you're interested, find me on Facebook or email at mattfaithperkins@gmail.com.
Questions:
1)How many men went right back to work after the baby was born? Based on who's responding to the question, was this good or bad?
2)What did some of you do during the days when both of you were home? Should people be worrried about the germs or "get out"?
3)Anything you did to help the colicky baby?
1)You realize the truth that babies don't do anything but sleep and/or cry! I thought Isaiah would pop out of Faith and be ready to go play some sports. Well, that idea was shot when it took two months just for Isaiah to smile.
2)You've taken days off of school, but your wife doesn't feel like going anywhere because she's either too tired, too sore, or she doesn't want the baby exposed to germs. That means you're stuck at home, or you're shopping for groceries! When your in-laws/family are staying at your house, those days could feel long (of course I didn't experience this). Some guys don't take work off for this very reason because we want to feel productive, and staying home for those days doesn't make us feel that way. However, Men, that time isn't meant for us to "be productive" but for us to support our wives and be there for our children's first moments, even if they won't remember them. This was hard for me as I'm not one to sit still, but Faith appreciated me being there.
3)I've already talked about how ridiculous it is for both parents to be up in the middle of the night, so figure out how you want to handle the night. The great thing is that babies are not predictable, so you've got to be ready to roll with the punches. If your wife breastfeeds, figure out who's going to stay up with the baby if he/she doesn't fall back to sleep. It's especially awesome (insert some sarcasm here) when babies switch their nights and days. Good luck with whoever gets the night shift!
4)If you're bottle feeding, there's absolutely no need for both people to be up. Take shifts while the other people sleeps. On this note, if you notice your baby cries a lot, don't just accept it and label your baby colicky. Change formulas, try non-dairy, etc. I know there are things that make babies cry, but I've known many people who could have saved lots of stress and crying by trying to solve the problem rather than just accepting it.
5)While you're home, take advantage of the time and relax. Don't feel guilty if you're watching a lot of movies or are not going out anywhere. You need to bank as much rest time as possible before you go back to work.
Financial Tip of the Day:
This is my personal plug, but go to www.solavei.com. This company is creating a revolution in the cell phone industry, and you can be part of it. $50 a month for 4G unlimited everything, and you can be paid just by signing people up. We don't even have our phones yet and should be getting a $90 paycheck this month. It will hopefully only increase each month for as long as we maintain service. Do no pre-judge or associate with pyramid companies. We don't remember people who quit but rather people who go out and make a difference. If you're interested, find me on Facebook or email at mattfaithperkins@gmail.com.
Questions:
1)How many men went right back to work after the baby was born? Based on who's responding to the question, was this good or bad?
2)What did some of you do during the days when both of you were home? Should people be worrried about the germs or "get out"?
3)Anything you did to help the colicky baby?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Taking the Baby Home
Well, the days of sleeping in and resting as much as you want are over by the time you take that first child home. Once the children are all out of the house, you'll be too old to sleep in. So here's how I, as a man, felt getting ready to go home from the hospital:
1)First, I don't know that I even showered the two days at the hospital, so that was grose. On top of that, I had just changed a few dirty diapers for the first time. What's with all this recording every "bowel movement" and pee action that takes place?( I know there's a real medical reason...) It's just one more thing for parents to worry about. Listen, if the baby isn't going to the bathroom you'll know. Yet, and the guilty will remain unknown, I know people who were still recording BM's for weeks. Why can't we just call it "poop"?
2)I realize some people have home births, car births, etc,. but typically parents start to get everything packed up and ready to go home. I've gotta be honest here. I wasn't ready to go. People were waiting on us, and I kind of liked it. Plus, because we didn't have cable for the second and third child, I was all about the cable.
3)At this point, it's time to put that "perfect" take home outfit that you've been waiting to put on a six pound baby that can't even hold his/her head up. Just getting the legs through is hard enough! Are you kidding me? What kind of marketing scheme have we fallen prey to? This need to have a special outfit just to sit in the car just might have signaled the beginning of our country's economic downfall. What a waste of money! And then you get home and swaddle the baby so he/she can sleep, so the clothes are hidden anyway!
4)Well, you've got everything together and head out the door to put the baby seat into the carseat base. Now, I'm glad I have a rule-following, researching wife, because when I got the to van to put the carseat in I didn't even know which way the carseat went. I played it off well, and the nurse never knew. Men, newborns are rear-facing. On this note, make sure you check how to use the carseat correctly. It freaks me out to see how some of our friends use their carseats. There's a carseat manual for a reason!
5)You finally arrive home, and reality sets in. The men are going to play basketball, and you're left changing a poopy diaper, entertaining a house full of guests wondering, "How did this happen?"
Don't worry, regardless of how new and scary this all is, it's part of God's plan, and the new life is one of the most precious things you will ever hold in your hand.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Don't try to keep pace with the Joneses and feel like you need to buy a "new" car. There are plenty of great, more affordable new vehicles that satisfy what you need, not want.
Questions:
1)What's the dumbest/awkward thing you did the first day with the baby home?
2) Have you noticed a lot of people putting their child's lives in danger because they don't know how to use the carseat correctly? Should people say something to their friends? This can be tricky.
1)First, I don't know that I even showered the two days at the hospital, so that was grose. On top of that, I had just changed a few dirty diapers for the first time. What's with all this recording every "bowel movement" and pee action that takes place?( I know there's a real medical reason...) It's just one more thing for parents to worry about. Listen, if the baby isn't going to the bathroom you'll know. Yet, and the guilty will remain unknown, I know people who were still recording BM's for weeks. Why can't we just call it "poop"?
2)I realize some people have home births, car births, etc,. but typically parents start to get everything packed up and ready to go home. I've gotta be honest here. I wasn't ready to go. People were waiting on us, and I kind of liked it. Plus, because we didn't have cable for the second and third child, I was all about the cable.
3)At this point, it's time to put that "perfect" take home outfit that you've been waiting to put on a six pound baby that can't even hold his/her head up. Just getting the legs through is hard enough! Are you kidding me? What kind of marketing scheme have we fallen prey to? This need to have a special outfit just to sit in the car just might have signaled the beginning of our country's economic downfall. What a waste of money! And then you get home and swaddle the baby so he/she can sleep, so the clothes are hidden anyway!
4)Well, you've got everything together and head out the door to put the baby seat into the carseat base. Now, I'm glad I have a rule-following, researching wife, because when I got the to van to put the carseat in I didn't even know which way the carseat went. I played it off well, and the nurse never knew. Men, newborns are rear-facing. On this note, make sure you check how to use the carseat correctly. It freaks me out to see how some of our friends use their carseats. There's a carseat manual for a reason!
5)You finally arrive home, and reality sets in. The men are going to play basketball, and you're left changing a poopy diaper, entertaining a house full of guests wondering, "How did this happen?"
Don't worry, regardless of how new and scary this all is, it's part of God's plan, and the new life is one of the most precious things you will ever hold in your hand.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Don't try to keep pace with the Joneses and feel like you need to buy a "new" car. There are plenty of great, more affordable new vehicles that satisfy what you need, not want.
Questions:
1)What's the dumbest/awkward thing you did the first day with the baby home?
2) Have you noticed a lot of people putting their child's lives in danger because they don't know how to use the carseat correctly? Should people say something to their friends? This can be tricky.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Men Planning for Birth #2
As stated in my previous post, planning ahead for children and childbirth can save a lot of pain, heartache, and stress. Her is round two of what men, and their wives, should think about before that baby arrives.
1)Are you going to have the baby sleep in your room, and if so how long will that last?
Pro - Because the baby will be eating every three or four hours for the first couple of weeks, having the baby in your room allows for easier feeding and hopefully better sleeping-takes less energy.
Con - Some babies make a lot of noise. One or both of you can get attached to the idea, and then you can't get the baby out of your room. That's just one more piece of furniture in the room.
Isaiah and Audrey, our oldest and youngest were in our room the longest, a little over two months, but the Alexis made two much noise so we moved her out in the middle of the night. I could hear every noise! The marriage bed was made for two people!
2)Who will get up with the baby, if he/she won't sleep? Ummm, there's an obvious answer here, but I'll keep it to myself. Haha. I've know some people who get up together? Does this make sense. Hey, instead of one of us getting some sleep, how about we both don't sleep. That's not smart. I know women will want to bite my head off for saying this, but if the woman is staying home and the man is going to work, a man's perspective is that it's best he sleeps because he needs to expend energy at work, and then he can be helpful at home. The best way to not get your husbands' help at home is to make him get up with the baby every night! On the other hand, I also know men that never get up with the baby at night. That's ridiculous! Man up and help your wife! You can do with a lack of sleep for a few weeks! Bottom line, it's a shared job so figure out how it works best for you both.
3)Will you be able to play golf on the weekends, play in an adult sports league, etc.?
Pro - This helps men maintain some normalcy in life and provides for a release. We can continue to foster relationships with friends which often times are lost with the arrival of children.
Con - This is more time away from home. Women who stay at home probably have a harder time with this since their weekends seem no different from the week if the husband is gone. Women can feel "stuck" with the baby and become jealous.
My suggestion is that couples figure out how to adjust some of that time so men aren't gone as much, but also to encourage women to go out so they don't feel jealous or stuck. Women shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the baby home with the father, and if they choose not to, then I say you can't get mad at the man! I've had quite a few friends struggle with this. Guys, if you don't want to give up your former life; you've got to give up something, somewhere.
4)Do you let the baby cry to sleep or hold them? I'll just tell you what I've observed and then give you the best answer, which I'm sure you all agree with. I've heard doctors and friends say, "You can't spoil a baby by holding them." OK, at what point are they too old to be spoiled? I teach some high school students whose parents haven't figured this one out yet:) Obviously, right away, the baby is too young to soothe him/herself, but I've also seen people's lives be completely consumed by "holding the baby" because they won't let the baby cry. I know some of my friends disagree with me here as they think it's mean to let them cry. At the same time, if the baby's crying for 30 minutes something should be done. Faith and I have taken the approach to try to not hold the babies too much. Our priority was to lay them down while they are sleepy, but before they fall asleep. There are times we've had to let them cry, but if you're consistent the crying eventually goes away. Let's be honest, our children have primarily slept through the night, as in 8 hours, from 2-3 months, so something must be working. Of course, I would never think of this truth (sarcastic) when people complain how tired they are and how often they get up with their children at night because they won't let them cry. As I often times proclaim, "Close the door!" and you all will be able to sleep.
*There are special situations where those little ones can be extra fussy. Taking longer to get the sleeping thing down. Be patient, take breaks and remember that all kids will get it eventually.
While there are many more things to think about and plan for, these are just a few. I guarantee that you will have some conflicts if you discuss these issues ahead of time.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Think about refinancing your house. Mortgage rates are extremely low, and even though you may have to pay closing costs, you can drastically lower your monthly bill while in some cases paying off more of your house.
1)Are you going to have the baby sleep in your room, and if so how long will that last?
Pro - Because the baby will be eating every three or four hours for the first couple of weeks, having the baby in your room allows for easier feeding and hopefully better sleeping-takes less energy.
Con - Some babies make a lot of noise. One or both of you can get attached to the idea, and then you can't get the baby out of your room. That's just one more piece of furniture in the room.
Isaiah and Audrey, our oldest and youngest were in our room the longest, a little over two months, but the Alexis made two much noise so we moved her out in the middle of the night. I could hear every noise! The marriage bed was made for two people!
2)Who will get up with the baby, if he/she won't sleep? Ummm, there's an obvious answer here, but I'll keep it to myself. Haha. I've know some people who get up together? Does this make sense. Hey, instead of one of us getting some sleep, how about we both don't sleep. That's not smart. I know women will want to bite my head off for saying this, but if the woman is staying home and the man is going to work, a man's perspective is that it's best he sleeps because he needs to expend energy at work, and then he can be helpful at home. The best way to not get your husbands' help at home is to make him get up with the baby every night! On the other hand, I also know men that never get up with the baby at night. That's ridiculous! Man up and help your wife! You can do with a lack of sleep for a few weeks! Bottom line, it's a shared job so figure out how it works best for you both.
3)Will you be able to play golf on the weekends, play in an adult sports league, etc.?
Pro - This helps men maintain some normalcy in life and provides for a release. We can continue to foster relationships with friends which often times are lost with the arrival of children.
Con - This is more time away from home. Women who stay at home probably have a harder time with this since their weekends seem no different from the week if the husband is gone. Women can feel "stuck" with the baby and become jealous.
My suggestion is that couples figure out how to adjust some of that time so men aren't gone as much, but also to encourage women to go out so they don't feel jealous or stuck. Women shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the baby home with the father, and if they choose not to, then I say you can't get mad at the man! I've had quite a few friends struggle with this. Guys, if you don't want to give up your former life; you've got to give up something, somewhere.
4)Do you let the baby cry to sleep or hold them? I'll just tell you what I've observed and then give you the best answer, which I'm sure you all agree with. I've heard doctors and friends say, "You can't spoil a baby by holding them." OK, at what point are they too old to be spoiled? I teach some high school students whose parents haven't figured this one out yet:) Obviously, right away, the baby is too young to soothe him/herself, but I've also seen people's lives be completely consumed by "holding the baby" because they won't let the baby cry. I know some of my friends disagree with me here as they think it's mean to let them cry. At the same time, if the baby's crying for 30 minutes something should be done. Faith and I have taken the approach to try to not hold the babies too much. Our priority was to lay them down while they are sleepy, but before they fall asleep. There are times we've had to let them cry, but if you're consistent the crying eventually goes away. Let's be honest, our children have primarily slept through the night, as in 8 hours, from 2-3 months, so something must be working. Of course, I would never think of this truth (sarcastic) when people complain how tired they are and how often they get up with their children at night because they won't let them cry. As I often times proclaim, "Close the door!" and you all will be able to sleep.
*There are special situations where those little ones can be extra fussy. Taking longer to get the sleeping thing down. Be patient, take breaks and remember that all kids will get it eventually.
While there are many more things to think about and plan for, these are just a few. I guarantee that you will have some conflicts if you discuss these issues ahead of time.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Think about refinancing your house. Mortgage rates are extremely low, and even though you may have to pay closing costs, you can drastically lower your monthly bill while in some cases paying off more of your house.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Don't Hold My New Baby!
Now the transition begins for the life of the supportive, loving,
patient, and understanding husband during the pregnancy stage to
fatherhood! For this first fatherhood
post, I’ll focus on some things men, and couples in general, should think about
in preparation for those first few weeks of parenthood.
Pro – Both before and after birth they keep you company and
bring you food and presents. I liked the food part the best…and of course the
company. It’s a joy to introduce your
new baby to family and friends.
Con—They all want to hold the new baby and sometimes take a
lot of energy to entertain. They don’t know your sleep schedule. Sometimes you
haven’t showered for a few days, and that’s rough for some people. People
suddenly think they’re parent psychologists and start telling you everything
they did with their children that worked. Ironically, their kids live screwed
up lives. Fortunately, everyone who visited us was great!
Pro—They can give you a break, and you’re planting the seed
for future baby sitters. Hey, you’ve
always gotta be thinking.
Con—For some anxious parents, this causes great anxiety because
they think something might happen to their new child. I’m dancing dangerously around this one, so I’ll
leave the sarcasm out here…but sometimes we all need to “let go” a little.
Everyone needs a break.
Pro—If they actually help out at night, they can allow the
new parents to sleep, especially the mother if she’s breastfeeding. They can be
a great help with the other children in the family. They can help clean. They
can be a strong support and can have good advice.
Con—They forget that the child is yours and not theirs. “Did
you even ask to take the baby out of my arms?” Some people have expressed how visitors/family
have created extra messes to clean. If they live out of town and stay at your
house, you have a full house!
The next two births were a little different with timing, and
having someone there for the first week to help with the kids was nice.
Pro—The longer the man can stay home, the better support he
is to his wife. He’ll feel more like helping at night since he’s not heading to
a long day of work. He can take the baby while the wife rests during the day.
This also allows for quality family time.
Con—Well, the answer for the man on this one might depend if
the mother-in-law is staying at the houseJ
I want no darts thrown my way. The reality is that extra conflict can make for
a rough week with a new baby.
Don’t get
caught up in buying designer clothes, purses, etc. Even though I have a hard
time comprehending this one, those things are wants, not needs. Plus, and I
know I’m stepping on toes here, but if you really feel like you need to spend
that much, put that money you would have spent toward a charity or toward your
child’s future.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Birth Finally Happens!
Wow, I just got back from hanging out with the men, and once again I'm thankful for the man bonding time. We all have some of the greatest wives around, but like women understand their own perspectives, we men understand the struggles one another face.
Well, I left off last time sharing about the final weeks leading to pregnancy, so this will be my last post about pregnancy before I head to fatherhood. Wow, I'm going to do the best I can to sensor my statements for that. So as our three pregnancies were very different and the timeframe of the births varied from two weeks early to one week late to on the due date, so were the births all different.
Isaiah - That first birth for parents is surreal. So many things happen for the first time, that it all seems like a blur, unless you're in labor for hours on end. When Faith's water broke early in the morning, we headed to the hospital. Now, here's what I don't get. The woman is in labor, she's in pain, and has a hard time moving, yet the first thing she must do at the hospital is sit down and file paperwork. Is she not in the hospital for two to three days anyway? I think there's enough time for that later. Anyway, I'll spare you the basic things that everyone goes through. After a while in the room, Faith began receiving her epidural. Now, this may make a few of you queasy, but she had to be stabbed multiple times in her back for that stupid needle to work, blood squirting out with each stab. In fact, one of the times the medicine shot through her veins and she almost fainted. Of course I'm making all kids of horrible faces, and the nurse has to remind me that Faith can see those faces. Anyway, the medicine finally begins working, and I'm feeling great because she's relaxed and I'm watching TV for the next few hours. Then everything starts happening. Faith starts throwing up, which no one warned us about, and then before we know it there's a baby. Men, get the camera ready. As for me, I had the camera in hand but had no idea what to do. I cut the cord and the nurse had to tell me to take pictures. Listen, I was not in the right frame of mind. I don't cry (my excuse is the doctor said my eyes don't produce tears) so the only thing to do was act clueless. Oh yeah, nobody tells you how grose labor is. And people don't tell you how grose the placenta looks. I'll leave it at that and let you experience it for yourself. From that point on, family and friends showed up, and everything was great. My greatest piece of advice here is let the nurses take the baby back so you can get some sleep!
Alexis - She finally arrived one week late, and Faith had no medicine. What a woman! Now, many of you may have taken classes to prepare for birth, but I didn't and I'm glad because I didn't lose any Saturdays and nights before birth, and they would have done nothing, because anytime I try to touch Faith, get her something, etc., she said, "Just leave me alone," and went back to her moaning and groaning. On a serious note, it sucks seeing your wife suffer when you can't do anything to help. On a lighter note, all that yelling and barbaric noise you see on TV is real. Faith was in so much pain that she got in the tub. Then I saw it; Lexi's head was sticking out of Faith in the water. "Hunny, what is that? AWWWWWW! I yelled for the nurse and before long baby two was born.
Audrey - Faith again had no epidural. There was nothing atypical about the third one, but I can only imagine how stupid I looked, with all the labors, when I was trying to soothe my wife. Men who are in touch with their feelings probably are great at this, but all I felt was awkwarndness. "Oh hunny, it's ok. You're doing such a great job! You're almost there!" Well, Audrey came out, and it was time for me to cut the cord. When I cut it, blood splattered all over my face. No one cared or noticed! There were about eight medical people in the room, and they were all working on Faith. It was disgusting! However, once you hold that baby in your arm, any negative thought become fleeting as embrace that perfect new baby.
While many of you have experienced labor and all its excitement, many of you have not. There is nothing that can prepare you for all the intricacies of childbirth, but as long as you view the process as a gift from God and as the last state to the birthing of that beautiful baby, you'll be amazed at the awesome reality before you.
Fatherhood, here we come!
Financial Tip of the Day:
Go through your house and find all the things you don't use or need. Have a garage sale and/or sell things are Craigslist. You'll be amazed how much "stuff" you have amassed and will make some money in the process.
Question/s:
1)Any great birth tips and or stories?
Well, I left off last time sharing about the final weeks leading to pregnancy, so this will be my last post about pregnancy before I head to fatherhood. Wow, I'm going to do the best I can to sensor my statements for that. So as our three pregnancies were very different and the timeframe of the births varied from two weeks early to one week late to on the due date, so were the births all different.
Isaiah - That first birth for parents is surreal. So many things happen for the first time, that it all seems like a blur, unless you're in labor for hours on end. When Faith's water broke early in the morning, we headed to the hospital. Now, here's what I don't get. The woman is in labor, she's in pain, and has a hard time moving, yet the first thing she must do at the hospital is sit down and file paperwork. Is she not in the hospital for two to three days anyway? I think there's enough time for that later. Anyway, I'll spare you the basic things that everyone goes through. After a while in the room, Faith began receiving her epidural. Now, this may make a few of you queasy, but she had to be stabbed multiple times in her back for that stupid needle to work, blood squirting out with each stab. In fact, one of the times the medicine shot through her veins and she almost fainted. Of course I'm making all kids of horrible faces, and the nurse has to remind me that Faith can see those faces. Anyway, the medicine finally begins working, and I'm feeling great because she's relaxed and I'm watching TV for the next few hours. Then everything starts happening. Faith starts throwing up, which no one warned us about, and then before we know it there's a baby. Men, get the camera ready. As for me, I had the camera in hand but had no idea what to do. I cut the cord and the nurse had to tell me to take pictures. Listen, I was not in the right frame of mind. I don't cry (my excuse is the doctor said my eyes don't produce tears) so the only thing to do was act clueless. Oh yeah, nobody tells you how grose labor is. And people don't tell you how grose the placenta looks. I'll leave it at that and let you experience it for yourself. From that point on, family and friends showed up, and everything was great. My greatest piece of advice here is let the nurses take the baby back so you can get some sleep!
Alexis - She finally arrived one week late, and Faith had no medicine. What a woman! Now, many of you may have taken classes to prepare for birth, but I didn't and I'm glad because I didn't lose any Saturdays and nights before birth, and they would have done nothing, because anytime I try to touch Faith, get her something, etc., she said, "Just leave me alone," and went back to her moaning and groaning. On a serious note, it sucks seeing your wife suffer when you can't do anything to help. On a lighter note, all that yelling and barbaric noise you see on TV is real. Faith was in so much pain that she got in the tub. Then I saw it; Lexi's head was sticking out of Faith in the water. "Hunny, what is that? AWWWWWW! I yelled for the nurse and before long baby two was born.
Audrey - Faith again had no epidural. There was nothing atypical about the third one, but I can only imagine how stupid I looked, with all the labors, when I was trying to soothe my wife. Men who are in touch with their feelings probably are great at this, but all I felt was awkwarndness. "Oh hunny, it's ok. You're doing such a great job! You're almost there!" Well, Audrey came out, and it was time for me to cut the cord. When I cut it, blood splattered all over my face. No one cared or noticed! There were about eight medical people in the room, and they were all working on Faith. It was disgusting! However, once you hold that baby in your arm, any negative thought become fleeting as embrace that perfect new baby.
While many of you have experienced labor and all its excitement, many of you have not. There is nothing that can prepare you for all the intricacies of childbirth, but as long as you view the process as a gift from God and as the last state to the birthing of that beautiful baby, you'll be amazed at the awesome reality before you.
Fatherhood, here we come!
Financial Tip of the Day:
Go through your house and find all the things you don't use or need. Have a garage sale and/or sell things are Craigslist. You'll be amazed how much "stuff" you have amassed and will make some money in the process.
Question/s:
1)Any great birth tips and or stories?
Monday, August 27, 2012
Two Weeks to Labor!
Once the women have their baby showers, the end is in sight. We men often times start thinking, "I'm about to get my wife back!" However, hold on--the end is not here yet. The last few weeks of pregnancy present new experiences, challenges, and excitement that the rest of the pregnancy does not present.
Everyone experiences those last few weeks in different ways, but here's a look at our experience.
Isaiah, almost 5 - I was going through all the whirlwind of emotions of having our first child, but that wasn't the only thing I was experiencing. At the time I owned a truck with a V8 engine. It wasn't a huge truck, but it had great power and showed my manhood. Well, there was one problem: no carseat could fit in it and my wife drove a 2-door Civic, so we had to make a choice. Good-bye truck! Good-bye manhood! At the time my younger brother was working at my Dad's Dodge dealership in Colorado Springs, and he thought it would be convenient to take time off work to drive a vehicle to us, all the way here in North Carolina. Well, Isaiah was due a the end of September, so my brother landed with my new Rolls Royce just two-and-a-half weeks before the due date. Ok, so maybe it was a minivan! Did I mention my manhood was gone? After staying a couple of days, my brother left and just two days later, two weeks ahead of schedule, Isaiah was born. I'll save the details for final pre-birth hours in the next post...probably titled, "What Not to Say to Your Wife When She's in Labor!"
Alexis, 3 - Well, this was one experience I'll never forget. Where Isaiah came two weeks early with few complications, Alexis was a different story. As a teacher, pregnancy presents some extra challenges as we must leave lesson plans for subs. Since there's not definite birth date, the timing of everything can be difficult. Therefore, when Alexis was to be born a few days before Spring Break, my wife and I were excited because I would be home longer. Ha, was that ever a fairy tale thought. Faith started feeling contractions more often in the pregnancy than with Isaiah. Well, as they progressed, one morning she woke me at 2:00 a.m. and said she was in pain and was timing her contractions. As the morning progressed, she continued to be in pain and the contractions were close. I called in and took school off, and we were ready to go. Faith called her parents, and they, along with her sister, jumped in the car and headed here from Ohio. Off we went to the doctor since her water hadn't broken, and by the time we got there, the best thing happened! The contractions stopped! The nurse could hardly even get the baby to move. What! This really happens? I thought false labor was a joke and couldn't happen to my level-headed wife. Ha, was I wrong. I really felt stupid when I went track practice that afternoon, and all the athletes were questioning what was going on. Well, I don't want to belabor the point, so I'll just add that it was two more weeks before the Alexis came. Where Isaiah was two weeks early, Alexis was one week late. Oh yeah, remember my in-laws and sister-in-law were on there way from Ohio? Well, welcome to two weeks of great family bonding! My sister-in-law left after a few days to go back to work, and I love my in-laws, but we have a small house...and my wife was pregnant and had a false labor. Men, I was a mere speck of dust for the next two weeks!
Audrey, 1 - Well, by the third time, we had this thing down. In the first pregnancy, Faith's water broke two weeks early, and we were one week late with Alexis , coming right in the middle of Spring Break. What else could happen but to have a baby on her due date, and that's what happened. Well, this came after another false labor, but I wasn't about to go to the hospital until that baby was coming. Faith wasn't near as sick, I was in much better spirits (I knew you would be concerned about me) and Alexis and Isaiah were excited to meet their new baby sister. No crazy fanfare this time. Faith was in major pain early in the morning, so we woke our neighbor up at in the wee hours of the morning; she came and stayed with the kids and we headed for the hospital, not to come home until we had new child.
There is no way to predict what those last few weeks will be like, but any extra complications (in-laws in house for two weeks-I thought my mother-in-law was going to kill me) can bring extra stress on all parties involved. Just remember, that it's all worth it once God allows that beautiful being to be born.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Look at how much you pay on going out for food. It's hard to not go out, but it can save hundreds, and in some cases, thousands of dollars a year. Plus, you might see your waist-line decrease in size.
Questions:
1)How many women have had false labor?
2) Any fun in-law stories? Don't say anything to get you into trouble!
Everyone experiences those last few weeks in different ways, but here's a look at our experience.
Isaiah, almost 5 - I was going through all the whirlwind of emotions of having our first child, but that wasn't the only thing I was experiencing. At the time I owned a truck with a V8 engine. It wasn't a huge truck, but it had great power and showed my manhood. Well, there was one problem: no carseat could fit in it and my wife drove a 2-door Civic, so we had to make a choice. Good-bye truck! Good-bye manhood! At the time my younger brother was working at my Dad's Dodge dealership in Colorado Springs, and he thought it would be convenient to take time off work to drive a vehicle to us, all the way here in North Carolina. Well, Isaiah was due a the end of September, so my brother landed with my new Rolls Royce just two-and-a-half weeks before the due date. Ok, so maybe it was a minivan! Did I mention my manhood was gone? After staying a couple of days, my brother left and just two days later, two weeks ahead of schedule, Isaiah was born. I'll save the details for final pre-birth hours in the next post...probably titled, "What Not to Say to Your Wife When She's in Labor!"
Alexis, 3 - Well, this was one experience I'll never forget. Where Isaiah came two weeks early with few complications, Alexis was a different story. As a teacher, pregnancy presents some extra challenges as we must leave lesson plans for subs. Since there's not definite birth date, the timing of everything can be difficult. Therefore, when Alexis was to be born a few days before Spring Break, my wife and I were excited because I would be home longer. Ha, was that ever a fairy tale thought. Faith started feeling contractions more often in the pregnancy than with Isaiah. Well, as they progressed, one morning she woke me at 2:00 a.m. and said she was in pain and was timing her contractions. As the morning progressed, she continued to be in pain and the contractions were close. I called in and took school off, and we were ready to go. Faith called her parents, and they, along with her sister, jumped in the car and headed here from Ohio. Off we went to the doctor since her water hadn't broken, and by the time we got there, the best thing happened! The contractions stopped! The nurse could hardly even get the baby to move. What! This really happens? I thought false labor was a joke and couldn't happen to my level-headed wife. Ha, was I wrong. I really felt stupid when I went track practice that afternoon, and all the athletes were questioning what was going on. Well, I don't want to belabor the point, so I'll just add that it was two more weeks before the Alexis came. Where Isaiah was two weeks early, Alexis was one week late. Oh yeah, remember my in-laws and sister-in-law were on there way from Ohio? Well, welcome to two weeks of great family bonding! My sister-in-law left after a few days to go back to work, and I love my in-laws, but we have a small house...and my wife was pregnant and had a false labor. Men, I was a mere speck of dust for the next two weeks!
Audrey, 1 - Well, by the third time, we had this thing down. In the first pregnancy, Faith's water broke two weeks early, and we were one week late with Alexis , coming right in the middle of Spring Break. What else could happen but to have a baby on her due date, and that's what happened. Well, this came after another false labor, but I wasn't about to go to the hospital until that baby was coming. Faith wasn't near as sick, I was in much better spirits (I knew you would be concerned about me) and Alexis and Isaiah were excited to meet their new baby sister. No crazy fanfare this time. Faith was in major pain early in the morning, so we woke our neighbor up at in the wee hours of the morning; she came and stayed with the kids and we headed for the hospital, not to come home until we had new child.
There is no way to predict what those last few weeks will be like, but any extra complications (in-laws in house for two weeks-I thought my mother-in-law was going to kill me) can bring extra stress on all parties involved. Just remember, that it's all worth it once God allows that beautiful being to be born.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Look at how much you pay on going out for food. It's hard to not go out, but it can save hundreds, and in some cases, thousands of dollars a year. Plus, you might see your waist-line decrease in size.
Questions:
1)How many women have had false labor?
2) Any fun in-law stories? Don't say anything to get you into trouble!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
What About the Man: Why Don't Men Get a Baby Shower?
My last post was a little more on the serious side, so this one will be a little more light-hearted. To review from the last post, one the that men don't do well is ask for or seek support. When we do seek support, it looks much different from how women seek support.
Because most women relate so well to conversation and intimate relationships with friends, the usual themes and ideas of baby showers are catered to them. There are the "cute" little decorations put all over homes and banquet halls. There are diaper cakes and pink and blue themes and cute little baby games. The excitement of baby showers heighten as the soon-to-be mother opens the baby gifts. Some women like to go in together and buy the more expensive gifts. Why buy a practical little swing the baby will only use for a few months of his/her life when you can buy a huge swing that takes up half the room and can turn in all directions. And that soft covering on the swing, the baby needs it. Then there's that great anticipation as that retangular box is opened. You know what it is. It's the perfect breast pump! You can't believe your friends/family bought you the perfect one! You're going to feel like you're driving a Ferrari while you're pumping, watching TV. On a side note, I tried the pump once...yep, even though I'm starting to develop the horrible "moobs" as I age, it definitely didn't work. It hurt! Finally, just as the women think the present opening is over, in rolls the new stroller! You registered for the most expensive one because Consumer Reports says it's the best and any other car seat and stroller combination isn't as safe. You know that a seven pound baby knows the difference between the deluxe seat and the regular one, so deluxe you must have. Wait, it's not over yet, in comes one more stroller! It's the top-of-the line jogging stroller! You've never jogged a day in your life, but you had to have it! I know this is a little over the top, but who is the baby shower for? I love my wife and in no way can live up to her as a person, but she walks into the store and even though we need nothing from the baby section she goes there anyway because she "enjoys" looking at all the baby stuff.
Here's my point: baby showers (like wedding showers...don't get me started on those) are as much, if not more, for the women as they are for the baby. I'm fine with that as women deserve all the attention they can get, but what if men had baby showers. Sure, we might come home with a few of the same things as women come home with, but most of it would be different and much more practical. There would be the the child's tool set and the child's first sports set. Instead of an overabundance of burp cloths and blankets, there would be movies and future business plans. From the beginning children would have videos and books to show them how to be the next millionaire or the next professional athlete or the best farmer, instead of ten different kinds of pacifiers.
The reality is I know we men could throw ourselves a man baby shower, but I pretty much guarantee that when we come home with our new possessions, we would probably be questioned about the practicality and validity of our gifts--because they're not near as practical as that $500 jogging stroller that will never be jogged with.
Financial Tip of the Day:
You don't need to buy the most expensive car seat and stroller travel unit on the market. We've used an $80 seat and a $300 seat (we got it used from a family friend), our children show no preferance for the seat. In fact the more expensive one is cumbersome and takes up two seats of a bench seat. You also don't need to buy a new stroller/seat for every new child, given they're not too many years apart.
Questions:
1)What's the most practical baby shower gift?
2)What do people get too much of at baby showers?
Because most women relate so well to conversation and intimate relationships with friends, the usual themes and ideas of baby showers are catered to them. There are the "cute" little decorations put all over homes and banquet halls. There are diaper cakes and pink and blue themes and cute little baby games. The excitement of baby showers heighten as the soon-to-be mother opens the baby gifts. Some women like to go in together and buy the more expensive gifts. Why buy a practical little swing the baby will only use for a few months of his/her life when you can buy a huge swing that takes up half the room and can turn in all directions. And that soft covering on the swing, the baby needs it. Then there's that great anticipation as that retangular box is opened. You know what it is. It's the perfect breast pump! You can't believe your friends/family bought you the perfect one! You're going to feel like you're driving a Ferrari while you're pumping, watching TV. On a side note, I tried the pump once...yep, even though I'm starting to develop the horrible "moobs" as I age, it definitely didn't work. It hurt! Finally, just as the women think the present opening is over, in rolls the new stroller! You registered for the most expensive one because Consumer Reports says it's the best and any other car seat and stroller combination isn't as safe. You know that a seven pound baby knows the difference between the deluxe seat and the regular one, so deluxe you must have. Wait, it's not over yet, in comes one more stroller! It's the top-of-the line jogging stroller! You've never jogged a day in your life, but you had to have it! I know this is a little over the top, but who is the baby shower for? I love my wife and in no way can live up to her as a person, but she walks into the store and even though we need nothing from the baby section she goes there anyway because she "enjoys" looking at all the baby stuff.
Here's my point: baby showers (like wedding showers...don't get me started on those) are as much, if not more, for the women as they are for the baby. I'm fine with that as women deserve all the attention they can get, but what if men had baby showers. Sure, we might come home with a few of the same things as women come home with, but most of it would be different and much more practical. There would be the the child's tool set and the child's first sports set. Instead of an overabundance of burp cloths and blankets, there would be movies and future business plans. From the beginning children would have videos and books to show them how to be the next millionaire or the next professional athlete or the best farmer, instead of ten different kinds of pacifiers.
The reality is I know we men could throw ourselves a man baby shower, but I pretty much guarantee that when we come home with our new possessions, we would probably be questioned about the practicality and validity of our gifts--because they're not near as practical as that $500 jogging stroller that will never be jogged with.
Financial Tip of the Day:
You don't need to buy the most expensive car seat and stroller travel unit on the market. We've used an $80 seat and a $300 seat (we got it used from a family friend), our children show no preferance for the seat. In fact the more expensive one is cumbersome and takes up two seats of a bench seat. You also don't need to buy a new stroller/seat for every new child, given they're not too many years apart.
Questions:
1)What's the most practical baby shower gift?
2)What do people get too much of at baby showers?
Friday, August 24, 2012
Pregnancy Support for Men
Well, I think I'll make this post a little shorter as I hope some of you wonderful women will share it with your men. Previously, I wrote about what men endure as they support their sick, pregnant wives. Today, we'll look at the support that men can receive during pregnancy.
Women, understandably, as you struggle thought the laborious life of pregnancy, it's difficult to watch as your man isn't feeling what you're feeling. However, as much as I'm not a fan of the "F" word, "feel," men do feel somewhat lost during the whole pregnancy experience. Where most (not all) women look for support through talking to other women, most men need to do things for support. For example, before our first child was born, I went out and bought a golf set. Now, there are two things to know about me. First, I will go to five different stores looking for a pair shoes but come home with nothing because I can't find anything "on sale" enough. However, golf clubs on sale or not are not cheap. Second, you haven't seen me play golf! Let's just say that I was recently in a group at a fundraising golf tournament and we got last place--out of about forty teams! My brother-in-law went out and bought a four-wheeler. I don't want you to focus on the fact that we spend money but rather that we buy things because in some ways they create a support system for us.
Also, you might find that we tend to want to go out and do things maybe a little more often than previously, which is the opposite of when many women feel due to be sick and tired. While we may not do this consciously, we're merely trying to again find support and comfort in doing as much as we can before our lives change so drastically. (Iroically, I'm sitting at home on a Friday night writing this blog while my wife watches this ridiculous show Downton Abbey on Netflix.) At least the three children are sleeping.
Men, as ridiculous as it may seem, I encourage you to find people you can share your experiences with. I can remember lying in bed at night being so frustrated with my wife because she was so tired and lethargic. Obviously, it wasn't my wife's fault. In fact props go to her because while many of our friends received prescriptions for their sickness as soon as they could, Faith never asked for them. If I only had a male counterpart to experience this with me, we could have laughed and complained together. Instead, I only had myself, and let me tell you putting two of me together doesn't help the situation. I also suggest you do things for your wife to help her. This could be making dinner, giving her a massage (can be very helpful), taking the other children out for the day, encouraging her to go out with her friends, and taking her out on a date of her choosing (for some this might simply mean watching a movie at home). Now, this doesn't always work out perfectly, but in return, your wife often times will put forth extra effort to show you she loves you (could be expressed in many different ways). Finally, I encourage people to pray. I realize not all of you have a strong faith, but prayer allows/allowed me to put all those anxieties and frustrations aside and feel a peace that only God can provide.
Ultimately, I dealt with a lot of frustration and anxiety during my wife's pregnancies that wasn't necessary. With each pregnancy I learned to look at things through different lenses and to appreciate the moment rather than dread it. So do what you can to support and encourage each other so pregnancy isn't just a time of pain and frustration but also a time when you strengthen your love for each other. So much for a shorter post! It's this stupid show my wife is watching!
Financial Tip of the Day:
Put a set about of cash in an envelope for a week or month of groceries. Look at previous shopping expenditures and try to use less. Remember to use those coupons.
Questions:
1)What have other men done to survive pregnancy?
2)What have other people purchased as a last blast before children?
3)Does anyone else actually like Downton Abbey?
Women, understandably, as you struggle thought the laborious life of pregnancy, it's difficult to watch as your man isn't feeling what you're feeling. However, as much as I'm not a fan of the "F" word, "feel," men do feel somewhat lost during the whole pregnancy experience. Where most (not all) women look for support through talking to other women, most men need to do things for support. For example, before our first child was born, I went out and bought a golf set. Now, there are two things to know about me. First, I will go to five different stores looking for a pair shoes but come home with nothing because I can't find anything "on sale" enough. However, golf clubs on sale or not are not cheap. Second, you haven't seen me play golf! Let's just say that I was recently in a group at a fundraising golf tournament and we got last place--out of about forty teams! My brother-in-law went out and bought a four-wheeler. I don't want you to focus on the fact that we spend money but rather that we buy things because in some ways they create a support system for us.
Also, you might find that we tend to want to go out and do things maybe a little more often than previously, which is the opposite of when many women feel due to be sick and tired. While we may not do this consciously, we're merely trying to again find support and comfort in doing as much as we can before our lives change so drastically. (Iroically, I'm sitting at home on a Friday night writing this blog while my wife watches this ridiculous show Downton Abbey on Netflix.) At least the three children are sleeping.
Men, as ridiculous as it may seem, I encourage you to find people you can share your experiences with. I can remember lying in bed at night being so frustrated with my wife because she was so tired and lethargic. Obviously, it wasn't my wife's fault. In fact props go to her because while many of our friends received prescriptions for their sickness as soon as they could, Faith never asked for them. If I only had a male counterpart to experience this with me, we could have laughed and complained together. Instead, I only had myself, and let me tell you putting two of me together doesn't help the situation. I also suggest you do things for your wife to help her. This could be making dinner, giving her a massage (can be very helpful), taking the other children out for the day, encouraging her to go out with her friends, and taking her out on a date of her choosing (for some this might simply mean watching a movie at home). Now, this doesn't always work out perfectly, but in return, your wife often times will put forth extra effort to show you she loves you (could be expressed in many different ways). Finally, I encourage people to pray. I realize not all of you have a strong faith, but prayer allows/allowed me to put all those anxieties and frustrations aside and feel a peace that only God can provide.
Ultimately, I dealt with a lot of frustration and anxiety during my wife's pregnancies that wasn't necessary. With each pregnancy I learned to look at things through different lenses and to appreciate the moment rather than dread it. So do what you can to support and encourage each other so pregnancy isn't just a time of pain and frustration but also a time when you strengthen your love for each other. So much for a shorter post! It's this stupid show my wife is watching!
Financial Tip of the Day:
Put a set about of cash in an envelope for a week or month of groceries. Look at previous shopping expenditures and try to use less. Remember to use those coupons.
Questions:
1)What have other men done to survive pregnancy?
2)What have other people purchased as a last blast before children?
3)Does anyone else actually like Downton Abbey?
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
What About the Man: The Sick, Pregnant Woman
In my last post, I shared my initial anxiety, fear, and surprise with finding out my wife, Faith, was pregnant. However, that was nothing compared to dealing with a sick, pregnant woman for the next eight months. Yes, you read that right. Faith was sick for the entirety of her pregnancy.
Men, if you know nothing about pregnancy and you will be dealing with it in the near future, pray with all your might that your wife either experiences no sickness or only deals with it through that twelve to sometimes fifteen week window. Otherwise, kiss your life good-bye for nine months.
Women, please feel the pain behind the following words you will read. You need to understand what your man is going through for those nine long months or you may not ever get the real us back! It's not just about you! Just accept that statement and move on.
I know many women deal with terrible sickness, but let's sympathize with the man for a moment. When women hit that sick stage of pregnancy, men are now forced to deal with two life-changing realities. First, fatherhood is in the near future, which is scary enough. Then, men must watch as women endure their terrible sickness, and we're unable to do anything to help. Because most men are loving, tender beings (maybe a little sarcastic), we say, "Can I make you dinner?" A woman's response might be, "Yes, I'd like barbecue chicken." Of course the man complies and makes a wonderful meal. They sit down for dinner, and the wife says, "I'm not in the mood for this anymore. Can we just order pizza?" What! Did she not just tell him one hour ago that she wanted barbecue chicken? "Wow," he says, "I'm glad I made this whole meal for you." That's the wrong response, because now she thinks he's trying to make her feel guilty. The night is going nowhere but downhill.
Unfortunately, for all parties involved the above scenario occurs all too often during pregnancy. Women, you'll say you want Mexican, and when the food is ordered, you can't "handle the smell" and you have to leave. You tell your husband in the morning you want to go out on a romantic date, but when he comes home for dinner you're in your pajamas exclaiming how tired you are. Now it's Friday night, you've told everyone else you can't do anything because you're going out with your wife, yet here it is 7:00 and she's ready for bed and your stuck watching episode after episode of Netflix shows or playing video games by yourself. And, let's be honest, you thought you would be getting something else that night too, but that's not happening. Women, seriously, suck it up! We have to suck it up (weird term) the entire pregnancy, so you can do it for one night!
So, Women, please find it in your heart to remember the man when the terrible pregnancy symptoms hit. If it's your friend who's pregnant, when you see her don't just say, "How are you," but turn to the man and ask how he is doing as well. Make us feel appreciated. We're not just specks of dust to be trampled upon for nine months! Men, keep pressing through. There will be an end. Faith was sick for the entirety of the first pregnancy, something very abnormal. She was better for the second pregnancy, and by the third pregnancy she was sick probably for only five months, still longer than most women. However, I survived, and you will two. Now, Faith is back to the wonderful, beautiful woman I married. Find support. You'll need it. Next time I'll share what that support looks like. You'll want the women to read that one!
For the the many who don't know me, some of the words might sound harsh, but I'm 5'8" tall. I have nothing else to hold on to but the sarcasm.
Financial Tip of the day:
As weird as you feel about it and as much work as you think it will be, use coupons. Seriously, it's not that hard. You don't need to keep a fancy notebook, huge binder, etc., but if you start learning how to use coupons effectively, you will save hundreds/thousands of dollars a year. Start small. You'll increase your usage as you get the hang of it. The $1.50 you'll pay for a Sunday paper is a great start. Once you get comfortable find websites that will help you. Southern Savers is an example of what's out there! Another thing you'll learn is that many grocery stores have special coupon weeks. Harris Teeter, for example, a major grocery chain in North Carolina, offers weeks of double and/or triple coupons. For example, if something costs $3.00 and you have a coupon for $.99, that coupon is tripled and you get the item for free!
Discussion Points:
In order to enhance the blog, I'd like to create some communication/dialogue and your thoughts and advice.
1)Men, what else have you experienced during the "sick" part of pregnancy, and what tips can you give to help us survive it?
2)Women, what are the things we tend to say/do that make the "sick" stage even worse?
3)What are some good coupon and money-saving sources and websites you've used?
Men, if you know nothing about pregnancy and you will be dealing with it in the near future, pray with all your might that your wife either experiences no sickness or only deals with it through that twelve to sometimes fifteen week window. Otherwise, kiss your life good-bye for nine months.
Women, please feel the pain behind the following words you will read. You need to understand what your man is going through for those nine long months or you may not ever get the real us back! It's not just about you! Just accept that statement and move on.
I know many women deal with terrible sickness, but let's sympathize with the man for a moment. When women hit that sick stage of pregnancy, men are now forced to deal with two life-changing realities. First, fatherhood is in the near future, which is scary enough. Then, men must watch as women endure their terrible sickness, and we're unable to do anything to help. Because most men are loving, tender beings (maybe a little sarcastic), we say, "Can I make you dinner?" A woman's response might be, "Yes, I'd like barbecue chicken." Of course the man complies and makes a wonderful meal. They sit down for dinner, and the wife says, "I'm not in the mood for this anymore. Can we just order pizza?" What! Did she not just tell him one hour ago that she wanted barbecue chicken? "Wow," he says, "I'm glad I made this whole meal for you." That's the wrong response, because now she thinks he's trying to make her feel guilty. The night is going nowhere but downhill.
Unfortunately, for all parties involved the above scenario occurs all too often during pregnancy. Women, you'll say you want Mexican, and when the food is ordered, you can't "handle the smell" and you have to leave. You tell your husband in the morning you want to go out on a romantic date, but when he comes home for dinner you're in your pajamas exclaiming how tired you are. Now it's Friday night, you've told everyone else you can't do anything because you're going out with your wife, yet here it is 7:00 and she's ready for bed and your stuck watching episode after episode of Netflix shows or playing video games by yourself. And, let's be honest, you thought you would be getting something else that night too, but that's not happening. Women, seriously, suck it up! We have to suck it up (weird term) the entire pregnancy, so you can do it for one night!
So, Women, please find it in your heart to remember the man when the terrible pregnancy symptoms hit. If it's your friend who's pregnant, when you see her don't just say, "How are you," but turn to the man and ask how he is doing as well. Make us feel appreciated. We're not just specks of dust to be trampled upon for nine months! Men, keep pressing through. There will be an end. Faith was sick for the entirety of the first pregnancy, something very abnormal. She was better for the second pregnancy, and by the third pregnancy she was sick probably for only five months, still longer than most women. However, I survived, and you will two. Now, Faith is back to the wonderful, beautiful woman I married. Find support. You'll need it. Next time I'll share what that support looks like. You'll want the women to read that one!
For the the many who don't know me, some of the words might sound harsh, but I'm 5'8" tall. I have nothing else to hold on to but the sarcasm.
Financial Tip of the day:
As weird as you feel about it and as much work as you think it will be, use coupons. Seriously, it's not that hard. You don't need to keep a fancy notebook, huge binder, etc., but if you start learning how to use coupons effectively, you will save hundreds/thousands of dollars a year. Start small. You'll increase your usage as you get the hang of it. The $1.50 you'll pay for a Sunday paper is a great start. Once you get comfortable find websites that will help you. Southern Savers is an example of what's out there! Another thing you'll learn is that many grocery stores have special coupon weeks. Harris Teeter, for example, a major grocery chain in North Carolina, offers weeks of double and/or triple coupons. For example, if something costs $3.00 and you have a coupon for $.99, that coupon is tripled and you get the item for free!
Discussion Points:
In order to enhance the blog, I'd like to create some communication/dialogue and your thoughts and advice.
1)Men, what else have you experienced during the "sick" part of pregnancy, and what tips can you give to help us survive it?
2)Women, what are the things we tend to say/do that make the "sick" stage even worse?
3)What are some good coupon and money-saving sources and websites you've used?
Monday, August 20, 2012
Can Pregnancy Tests be Trusted?
And here we go…Faith and I had been married for over a
year. We had been to Hawaii, to the
beach many times, and to Colorado and Ohio to visit family. We were both teaching and enjoying our life
together. I walked into the kitchen, and
Faith said, “Matt, there’s something in the bathroom for you.” I walked into the bathroom, saw a strange
looking device with two lines on it, and ran out yelling, “What is that? What
does that mean?” In those few seconds, I
saw my life flash before my eyes. When
we decided a few months ago to “stop protecting,” I guess I thought this wouldn’t
happen. We weren’t “trying” as so many
of my friends say, but there we were, staring reality in the face.
Now,
let me add a little insert here for those men who have yet to deal with that pregnant
moment. Show a little excitement. After all, it takes two to tango so you knew
what could happen. I’m pretty sure Faith
expected that reaction from me since she knew what she was getting when she
married me, but not all women are as understanding, and she definitely deserved
better.
After
the craziness settled, I looked at her and said, “How often are those things
wrong?” Of course, I asked this after reading that the test is 99%
accurate. I honestly have no idea what
happened the next few days, except that I had Faith take two more tests. I was in a daze. Our freedom would soon be gone! No more late nights playing games with our
friends. No more date nights because we would
be on one North Carolina teaching income, which meant we would not have
much. No more sleeping in on the
weekends! The list went on and on, and I
wasn’t sure what to think, but those thoughts would soon fade when I was faced
with the reality that my wife seemed eternally sick from this living being
inside her. The next post will shed
light on that horrible experience.
Now,
here’s my Solavei (www.solavei.com) update. For those who are anxious about living off
one income, sometimes finding low-risk forms of income can be that little extra
money in your life that can help ease your anxiety. Faith and I have also found that the more we
sow in to people’s lives, the more we see our lives positively impacted.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
The Man's Perspective on Pregnancy, Raising Children, and Surviving on One Income!
In the midst of going through the first pregnancy with my son Isaiah, who will soon be five, I vowed to my wife that some day I would write about pregnancy and child rearing (well, I probably didn’t use that exact word) from the man’s perspective. After experiencing three, Alexis is three and Audrey is 1, I now have a lot to say. Now, I do want to give fare warning that women may be offended by some of the things I write, and more importantly may not understand what I write, but that’s ok. I’ve done some research on the topic and have found there are very few books to help men deal with the life-changing reality of children. In fact one of the best-selling pregnancy books for men was written by a woman. What! If a man wrote a book to help women understand how to deal with pregnancy, he’d lose his head!
Men, hopefully these and future words will help you laugh as you look back on pregnancy and children or will help you and give you some support as you travel down the child path.
Women, hopefully the words will give you a least a little insight into the man’s world. Please don’t judge. We have feelings too! If Jenny McCarthy can write a book for women about pregnancy, there has to be some hope for me to communicate the man’s view!
At the same time, I will share about what it’s like to live off one low-paying income. My wife, Faith, was a teacher and has been staying at home since Isaiah was born almost five years ago. We went from two full-time incomes with benefits to one income, adding $600 to pay for family insurance since we lost Faith's. Somehow, through faith (haha, pardon the pun), planning, and an attitude of giving to Christ first, we somehow have managed to stay out of debt, except for our mortgage payment, which we are slowly paying off.
Finally, I will give updates on our venture with the new cell phone company Solavei. Visit www.solavei.com to learn about the company’s great vision and great opportunities it presents to its customers: $49.99 4G unlimited everything service with an opportunity to make $20 for every 3 people who sign up under you. If you become interested please let me know. The company will officially launch September 21st, but because we are in the pre-launch group we have the opportunity to receive service before then.
I promise to make my writings entertaining, honest, and hopefully helpful and informative. Please stay tuned!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
First Blog!
Well, after years of introspective thought and decisions, I've decided that I would like to share my thoughts with the world. Ok, that's not the complete truth. I'm not so sure about that introspective part. I think as I write, I'll jump around topics, going back and forth, maybe to keep people interested. I promise, whatever I write will hopefully be applicable to people's lives. Ok, this first one is just a test, but the future writings will hopefully be entertaining, insightful, challenging, and most importantly honest.
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