Men Planning for Birth #2

As stated in my previous post, planning ahead for children and childbirth can save a lot of pain, heartache, and stress.  Her is round two of what men, and their wives, should think about before that baby arrives.

1)Are you going to have the baby sleep in your room, and if so how long will that last?
Pro - Because the baby will be eating every three or four hours for the first couple of weeks, having the baby in your room allows for easier feeding and hopefully better sleeping-takes less energy.
Con - Some babies make a lot of noise. One or both of you can get attached to the idea, and then you can't get the baby out of your room.  That's just one more piece of furniture in the room.

Isaiah and Audrey, our oldest and youngest were in our room the longest, a little over two months, but the Alexis made two much noise so we moved her out in the middle of the night.  I could hear every noise! The marriage bed was made for two people!

2)Who will get up with the baby, if he/she won't sleep?  Ummm, there's an obvious answer here, but I'll keep it to myself. Haha. I've know some people who get up together?  Does this make sense.  Hey, instead of one of us getting some sleep, how about we both don't sleep.  That's not smart.  I know women will want to bite my head off for saying this, but if the woman is staying home and the man is going to work, a man's perspective is that it's best he sleeps because he needs to expend energy at work, and then he can be helpful at home. The best way to not get your husbands' help at home is to make him get up with the baby every night!  On the other hand, I also know men that never get up with the baby at night.  That's ridiculous!  Man up and help your wife!  You can do with a lack of sleep for a few weeks! Bottom line, it's a shared job so figure out how it works best for you both.

3)Will you be able to play golf on the weekends, play in an adult sports league, etc.?
Pro - This helps men maintain some normalcy in life and provides for a release.  We can continue to foster relationships with friends which often times are lost with the arrival of children.
Con - This is more time away from home.  Women who stay at home probably have a harder time with this since their weekends seem no different from the week if the husband is gone. Women can feel "stuck" with the baby and become jealous.
My suggestion is that couples figure out how to adjust some of that time so men aren't gone as much, but also to encourage women to go out so they don't feel jealous or stuck.  Women shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the baby home with the father, and if they choose not to, then I say you can't get mad at the man! I've had quite a few friends struggle with this.  Guys, if you don't want to give up your former life; you've got to give up something, somewhere.

4)Do you let the baby cry to sleep or hold them?  I'll just tell you what I've observed and then give you the best answer, which I'm sure you all agree with. I've heard doctors and friends say, "You can't spoil a baby by holding them." OK, at what point are they too old to be spoiled?  I teach some high school students whose parents haven't figured this one out yet:) Obviously, right away, the baby is too young to soothe him/herself, but I've also seen people's lives be completely consumed by "holding the baby" because they won't let the baby cry.  I know some of my friends disagree with me here as they think it's mean to let them cry.  At the same time, if the baby's crying for 30 minutes  something should be done.  Faith and I have taken the approach to try to not hold the babies too much.  Our priority was to lay them down while they are sleepy, but before they fall asleep. There are times we've had to let them cry, but if you're consistent the crying eventually goes away. Let's be honest, our children have primarily slept through the night, as in 8 hours, from 2-3 months, so something must be working.  Of course, I would never think of this truth (sarcastic) when people complain how tired they are and how often they get up with their children at night because they won't let them cry. As I often times proclaim, "Close the door!" and you all will be able to sleep.

*There are special situations where those little ones can be extra fussy. Taking longer to get the sleeping thing down.  Be patient, take breaks and remember that all kids will get it eventually.

While there are many more things to think about and plan for, these are just a few.  I guarantee that you will have some conflicts if you discuss these issues ahead of time.

Financial Tip of the Day:
Think about refinancing your house.  Mortgage rates are extremely low, and even though you may have to pay closing costs, you can drastically lower your monthly bill while in some cases paying off more of your house.