Don't Hold My New Baby!

Now the transition begins for the life of the supportive, loving, patient, and understanding husband during the pregnancy stage to fatherhood!  For this first fatherhood post, I’ll focus on some things men, and couples in general, should think about in preparation for those first few weeks of parenthood.

 1)Do you want everyone you know to come see you in the hospital?

Pro – Both before and after birth they keep you company and bring you food and presents. I liked the food part the best…and of course the company.  It’s a joy to introduce your new baby to family and friends.

Con—They all want to hold the new baby and sometimes take a lot of energy to entertain. They don’t know your sleep schedule. Sometimes you haven’t showered for a few days, and that’s rough for some people. People suddenly think they’re parent psychologists and start telling you everything they did with their children that worked. Ironically, their kids live screwed up lives. Fortunately, everyone who visited us was great!

 2)Do you want people holding your new baby?

Pro—They can give you a break, and you’re planting the seed for future baby sitters.  Hey, you’ve always gotta be thinking.

Con—For some anxious parents, this causes great anxiety because they think something might happen to their new child.  I’m dancing dangerously around this one, so I’ll leave the sarcasm out here…but sometimes we all need to “let go” a little. Everyone needs a break.

 3)Are you going to have family stay at the house?

Pro—If they actually help out at night, they can allow the new parents to sleep, especially the mother if she’s breastfeeding. They can be a great help with the other children in the family. They can help clean. They can be a strong support and can have good advice.

Con—They forget that the child is yours and not theirs. “Did you even ask to take the baby out of my arms?” Some people have expressed how visitors/family have created extra messes to clean. If they live out of town and stay at your house, you have a full house!

 For the first birth both our families came for the first few days, but then gave us a week to ourselves.  This was nice since I took a week off of work, and we were able to go through things together and start establishing some new norms without family influence. Our mothers then took turns staying for a week when I went back to work.  Not everyone has that luxury, so that was a blessing.

The next two births were a little different with timing, and having someone there for the first week to help with the kids was nice.

 4)How long is the man going to stay home?

Pro—The longer the man can stay home, the better support he is to his wife. He’ll feel more like helping at night since he’s not heading to a long day of work. He can take the baby while the wife rests during the day. This also allows for quality family time.

Con—Well, the answer for the man on this one might depend if the mother-in-law is staying at the houseJ I want no darts thrown my way. The reality is that extra conflict can make for a rough week with a new baby.

 The reality is that each couple is different. I don’t like people telling me what to do and doing things for me, so I view having someone in my house differently than people who aren’t as prideful. Ultimately, you need to think about what will cause the least amount of stress, so you can focus on enjoying God’s beautiful new creation with your spouse.

 Financial Tip of the Day:

Don’t get caught up in buying designer clothes, purses, etc. Even though I have a hard time comprehending this one, those things are wants, not needs. Plus, and I know I’m stepping on toes here, but if you really feel like you need to spend that much, put that money you would have spent toward a charity or toward your child’s future.