After you've survived the reality of being home with your new baby, it's time to get to business! If you stay home for any extended period, you've got to figure out what those days will look like. Here's what happens with the first birth:
1)You realize the truth that babies don't do anything but sleep and/or cry! I thought Isaiah would pop out of Faith and be ready to go play some sports. Well, that idea was shot when it took two months just for Isaiah to smile.
2)You've taken days off of school, but your wife doesn't feel like going anywhere because she's either too tired, too sore, or she doesn't want the baby exposed to germs. That means you're stuck at home, or you're shopping for groceries! When your in-laws/family are staying at your house, those days could feel long (of course I didn't experience this). Some guys don't take work off for this very reason because we want to feel productive, and staying home for those days doesn't make us feel that way. However, Men, that time isn't meant for us to "be productive" but for us to support our wives and be there for our children's first moments, even if they won't remember them. This was hard for me as I'm not one to sit still, but Faith appreciated me being there.
3)I've already talked about how ridiculous it is for both parents to be up in the middle of the night, so figure out how you want to handle the night. The great thing is that babies are not predictable, so you've got to be ready to roll with the punches. If your wife breastfeeds, figure out who's going to stay up with the baby if he/she doesn't fall back to sleep. It's especially awesome (insert some sarcasm here) when babies switch their nights and days. Good luck with whoever gets the night shift!
4)If you're bottle feeding, there's absolutely no need for both people to be up. Take shifts while the other people sleeps. On this note, if you notice your baby cries a lot, don't just accept it and label your baby colicky. Change formulas, try non-dairy, etc. I know there are things that make babies cry, but I've known many people who could have saved lots of stress and crying by trying to solve the problem rather than just accepting it.
5)While you're home, take advantage of the time and relax. Don't feel guilty if you're watching a lot of movies or are not going out anywhere. You need to bank as much rest time as possible before you go back to work.
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Questions:
1)How many men went right back to work after the baby was born? Based on who's responding to the question, was this good or bad?
2)What did some of you do during the days when both of you were home? Should people be worrried about the germs or "get out"?
3)Anything you did to help the colicky baby?
With our first daughter, I had two weeks off work right away. Unfortunately it wasn't the nice happy family time I had thought it would be. Our little "angel" decided at a week old that she wouldn't breastfeed anymore, so the next two weeks were spent trying every trick to get her to breastfeed again. We eventually gave up and switched to the bottle - a life saver. (On a side note, I highly advocate bottle feeding, even though I still maintain that 'breast is best'.) Anyway, my time off work was spent with a screaming baby, an exhausted, detached wife, a mother-in-law (a God-send who looked after us, the house and the garden), and the midwife and/or breastfeeding consultant. Not all that much fun. I was actually relieved to get back to work.
ReplyDeleteOur second daughter didn't make things much easier as she was premature. She spent 17 days in hospital, and my wife was still in hospital most of that time. Since I worked at the hospital as well, I continued at work and my mother-in-law (again) looked after us for a couple of weeks until they came home. Then I took over the household duties and parenting of our toddler. I was fortunate to have four weeks off the second time!
I don't know if one situation is better over the other - it depends what works for any given couple and any given birth situation. When dad does go back to work though, both my wife and I were agreed that it made no sense for us both to be up at night, and both loosing sleep (my wife's great like that!). She would have the nightshift, and I would usually get up to baby early in the morning before work, and help out as much as I could in the evening. With both children, we didn't stress about things like cleaning and dusting - as long as we were all feed and the dishes were done each night we were content.