Published Book

I have taken a break from this blog to work on and to publish my first book.

Please check out my book (What About the Man? Surviving Pregnancy) that was just published on Amazon. It's short, so most guys can read it and not dread it. It's a perfect gift to give to guys (and women to understand our perspective) to go with all those baby clothes and pampering gifts women get. Please share on all your social media avenues, and it would be awesome if you give Amazon reviews after reading the book. Enjoy!

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What About the Man? Surviving Pregnancy

Ode to Moms

I have spent most of my time in this blog looking at things from the man's perspective. However, as our fourth has been here now for 6 weeks and the “door” is soon to be closed, I want to focus on women, and more importantly my wife, Faith.




   A little over 7.5years ago, when Faith was ready to move ahead with children, like I didn't create enough excitement for her in our marriage, I succumbed to her desires, and soon pregnancy arrived and Isaiah was born. As I have shared, and as many of you have witnessed, through the four pregnancies, Faith was sick for almost all nine months. That means that over the past almost 8 years, Faith has been sick/pregnant or has been nursing for most of the duration of that time. That does not sound fun to me. I realize that nursing creates some “emotional” attachment that bottle feeding doesn’t always give, but when I bottle fed Isaiah, and now Timothy every once in a while, the clock does not move fast enough (the two girls refused the bottle until around their first birthdays). Likewise, and I know families are different, especially if there’s no breast feeding (that phrase will always sound awkward to me) taking place, but while I have many times over the 7 years gotten up in the middle of the night to take a crying baby, Faith has lost sleep much more often, especially since I am unable to produce milk.
Yes, I, along with all fathers, give up a lot and learn what it means to give up my selfish desires at times, but Faith has given up much more, as have many other mothers.
Since Faith has stayed home with all the children, she has given up a career in the teaching world and has done myriad part time jobs to supplement my bottom-dwelling teaching salary in North Carolina. As most women experience, with that first child there was major adjustment with being home, including loneliness and a sense of loss of purpose, but she has pressed on and invested in many people’s lives and has not been afraid to get outside of that dreaded “comfort zone” in which too many people live. And I don’t write the next comments to say Faith is better than any other mom, but I do challenge moms reading this and people who know moms, maybe your own children, who struggle with parenting adjustment to learn from Faith.
Instead of dwelling on the loneliness and lack of purpose, Faith has always reached out to others through mom’s Bible studies, “play dates” (that term wasn’t around when I was a kid), helping other struggling moms, and through “letting go” of control. I watch as so many moms confine themselves to their homes, becoming homebodies, as they won’t get baby sitters, as they won’t put their children in the church nursery, as they won’t take advice from others, and as they vicariously live their lives surfing through their Facebook friends updates, and I can’t help but be grateful for how Faith has not confined herself to that “comfort zone,” even though it’s a much easier place to stay. Even now as we have embraced having a fourth child, Faith jumped right in to a new challenge in helping lead the young adult group at church and encouraging me to again lead a Bible study with her starting last fall, while we were living in my in-laws basement after our move from North Carolina to the farmlands of Ohio!




I close this post with this: Mom’s, you rock because you give up so much for so little “worldly gain” in return (although having and raising a child is better than any worldly profit). However, all parents need to be careful to not let their children be an excuse for not being involved with life outside of child world. Let’s stop using our children as excuses why we can’t volunteer places, why we can’t serve at church, why we can’t help others, and why we can’t be involved in the relationships that challenge us to grow!

Man Advice:


Be the leader and encourage your wife. Help around the house and do ANYTHING that can help her. Don't use your children as an excuse to not be involved in others' lives!

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Birth Recovery - A Queen Bed!

For those who have followed this blog, are on my Facebook, or know me, you're quite aware of my struggle with our family's move from North Carolina to Ohio this year. In fact, my Colorado family says I complain too much. So, here's a change.

I left off my last post with sharing how Faith was handed Timothy, still attached to the umbilical chord and dirty. In the previous three pregnancies, I cut the umbilical chord, the nurses took the baby to clean, and then we held the new child. This new procedure was a bit weird, but we went with it. No joke, Faith held Timothy like that for about ten minutes. After the first couple of minutes, the midwife came in and said it was her first missed delivery. She then continued to talk to Faith, remember that Timothy is still attached to the chord and dirty, and talked about the placenta, and how people like to keep it. I joked how much I'd love to have a placenta smoothie. I'm pretty sure the midwife was someone who would do that, but oh well. Finally, I cut the chord, without blood splattering on me as it did for our previous child, and life was good. 

Then, I asked the question..could we move to the special room with a queen-sized bed. Yes, I was thinking about myself. I wasn't sleeping and spending the next two days on an uncomfortable rolling chair. To my relief, the request was granted. We moved to the new room, and our mini vacation began as the three kids were at the grandparents. 

Here's where the change takes place. This didn't happen in North Carolina. I did have my own fold out couch to sleep on, which was nice, but I put it up when visitors came. In Ohio, the bed stayed down, and the few visitors who actually came to see us (North Carolina one-upped Ohio in that category), had chairs to sit in. I literally was "in bed" for two days. On top of that, when Faith ordered her meals, she was always able to order extra so I actually had food too. Usually, the man is left to fend for himself!

For anyone reading this with children still to come, here's advice for after birth:

1)First and foremost, make sure you give your baby to the nurses at night so you can sleep. For those who say you can't let him/her go, you will regret it in the next few weeks when you don't have help.

2)For first-time moms, let a consultant help you with breast-feeding. Don't do it on your own if it's not working!

3)Make sure ahead of time with your friends that they are or are not welcome to visit. If you just want the time to yourselves, just say that. I will tell you that if you do spend the normal two days there, you may get tired of looking at each other. Remember, the baby will be sleeping most of the time. 

4)Let go of all the work and home distractions and enjoy your time together with you new child.

Man Advice:

Check ahead of time about your sleeping situation. If you are relegated to a small, uncomfortable "reclining" chair, see if they can bring in a cot...make sure there's no charge with that!

Twitter - @coachmperkins
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Birth Part 2 - Bed Anyone?

We all have different birth experiences, most good, but I've heard some horror stories. That's an encouraging start to a post. Anyway, with the last birth just a month ago, once we survived the treacherous walk to the hospital, as I explained in the previous post, we headed to the birthing ward. Because Faith was all of two people there in labor that night (not a lot of new blood where this hospital is located), we were directed to our labor room. Faith put on that beautiful hospital gown, a modern day marvel that we should all be forced to where at some point in our lives, she sat in her high-tech birthing bed, and I found a seat in a chair. This was no ordinary chair. It reclined, but not even enough to be considered a reclined position, and it had wheels...wheels on a reclined chair equals a danger zone. I got on online and started researching reclining chairs and fold out couches and told the nurse that I would buy the hospital one that I found for $350. Are you kidding me? How is the man ever supposed to get some sleep in such conditions?

So like most people waiting in the labor room, we put our things down and began the wait for the baby. We'll fast forward a few hours as Faith started to really feel the pain. This was baby #3 without any pain medicine or epidural, and she was feeling it. Now, there's pros and cons to having or not having medicine for the pain, but no training, no class, and no book can prepare a couple to actually experience the wonderful, excruciatingly painful event of childbirth. While Faith had an epidural for her first birth as I watched cable TV and enjoyed visitors and snacks, such was not the case with the last three, and throughout all the moaning, walking, grimacing, etc. nothing I did was right until I was "gently" directed to rub her back, don't rub her back, give her water, don't give her water, put a wash cloth on her head, don't put a wash cloth on her head...you get the point. So, after some pushing we convinced the nurses to prepare for the baby to come out (they were not in a hurry). The baby was coming and there was nothing Faith could do to stop it. Nurses are always so encouraging when they say, "Try no to push too hard yet. The doctor isn't her yet." Seriously, get that baby out. Anyway, I think the on-call doctor was having a latte and reading a magazine because he was nowhere in sight. So, the two nurses are prepping and the phone in the room won't work to call anyone. Faith is on the bed, holding on the rails with all her might "stopping the baby from coming out," and I'm there, gently rubbing her back, encouraging her to "control her breathing." Suddenly, as Faith is on her side, out pops the baby's head. Hello, there's a baby over here! The nurses run over, grab the baby's head, turn Faith on her back, and the baby comes out...in walks the on-call doctor 5 minutes later with his arms folded, surveying the situation. When he seemed to be satisfied, he turned away and walked out, saying nothing to any of us. Needless-to-say, this was a very different experience from the other three births, but Timothy was out, and I guess the new fad in birth is to keep the baby attached to the umbilical chord and do some koala/kangaroo skin thing, so Timothy, and all his gooey covering, was placed on Faith. Disgusting! 

That's it for the birth. At this point, after four births, I'm pretty sure I could deliver a baby and almost did.

Man Advice:

Classes are over-rated, but go if your wife insists. Just realize that to the hospital staff you are the least important thing in that birth room.

The Return! Birth

For a second time, I'm back from a hiatus of writing. Since I will be soon publishing a book and starting a new brand/company, I figured I've got to get back in the game. Faith's pregnancy took a toll on me that I'm still recovering from, but it all came to an end just over three weeks ago. So, these next few posts will focus on living the dream in Ohio through the birth of our fourth child.

It all started on a Saturday night as we spent "quality" family time on Faith's parents' farm. As we returned home, Faith, the ever pregnant, food-craving woman said, "I need some ice cream," so we stopped by the famous (famous to small town Wadsworthians) ice cream shop in Wadsworth, OH. I never can remember the name of it. Anyway, as the three kids and I waited in our pimped out white minivan (full of rust compliments of our first winter in Ohio), Faith went to the window to get the ice cream. Just a few moments later she returned to the van and said, "My water just broke" (one week early).  

Great, can we still eat our ice cream?

Needless-to-say, the next thirty minutes were action packed as we drove home, called faith's mom to come get the kids, and got things packed and ready to go. When people have their first child, they freak out at this point. Not this guy. I told Isaiah and Alexis, 6 and 5 respectively, to pack their bags, and I packed our soon-to-be three-year-old Audrey's bag by throwing whatever I could find in it. I got everyone's bags downstairs, and then I realized my wife was in the shower. It's at times like that where I appreciate my wife's level-headedness. Most people don't realize there is no need to rush to the hospital in the midst of labor. However, most people in this anxiety ridden, faith-lacking society, freak out over not being in control. Ok, I'm off my soap box. 

Modern Day Birthing Facility

With the kids picked up, we then headed to the hospital. Now, the previous three births took place in Cary, NC, in an area known as the medical meca of the nation with the Duke and UNC medical facilities. The facilities are top tier, bustling with new babies, moms, and dads. However, and I mean this with no disrespect to my Ohio friends, on this night we were headed to Barberton Hospital, in Barberton, OH, a place depleted of young people, where excitement and anxiety grow if there are multiple births on the same night. In fact, when we first visited the hospital on our tour, we went over a bridge, and I was praying we were metaphorically "crossing the train tracks." However, once we crossed the bridge, things looked even worse. Houses were falling apart, buildings were abandoned, and "unique" people were walking the streets. 

Fast forward to our arrival at 10 p.m. Saturday night. I mistakenly parked on the wrong side of the hospital, so we had to walk around it, along the dark street, to get to the emergency entrance. With all the encouragement of a loving husband to his in labor wife, I said, "Well, this is nice. We're going to be shot or mugged while you're in labor." Sometimes I amaze myself with my tact. However, I don't think Faith found the comments that humorous, especially since we were already walking the length of a football field to get to the entrance. Well, we made it safely, waited briefly with all the "old/wise" people in the emergency room, and headed to the labor area. 

Man Birth Advice:

Stay calm in the midst of labor beginning. If your wife is dying of pain, she either has a low pain tolerance, or the baby will soon be here. In that case, hurry! Otherwise, don't panic and don't be anxious. You will be in the hospital long enough, so don't rush!

Do You Have Friends?

I've mentioned a few times the importance of having friends as I'm noticing more and more that many people don't have "true friends" in today's world. No, Twitter and Facebook friends don't count. I realize that every time I see a picture of someone's great "dinner" they made that my life is forever changed, and every time I see a "tweet" about the fact that someone is bored makes me want to go unbore them and tell them they have a free will and can go DO SOMETHING, and every time I see a post about how "long" a person's day has been makes me see what great complainers we all are, but I'm talking about real friends. These are people with whom you actually have a conversation, people who have invested in your life and whose lives you have invested in. We all need these people, but they're a dying breed, and when it comes to pregnancy and children, if you don't have them you will go through unnecessary trials and tribulations that can easily be avoided.
                                                   
For Women
I mentioned in the previous post about friends' importance in the baby shower phenomenon. However, that's just a surface bonus of friendship; although, as I've made clear I'm a big fan of other people buying baby things for the many soon-to-be "poor" parents. Friendships should go much deeper, which was made ever more clear recently as our family made a voyage to our old stomping grounds in North Carolina. In our six days there, we managed to see many people who were part of our lives for the past eight years. Before we headed to Virginia to see my brother and his family, we closed out the NC portion of the trip with a big get together with all the mom's and kids that were part of a women's Bible study over the past 6 years. Don't worry, as I know you're worried about "the man" and what I did during that party time, I left to be with other friends and to get away from the chaos. So, minus one or two kids who were in school, there were 20 kids running around the house with their mothers watching. I reference that time together because those ladies have gone through pregnancy, birth, and child rearing together. They have spent countless hours on the phone, email, Facebook, and at one anothers' homes, giving advice to and spending time with one another. I know too many mothers who don't have that so all they do is sit on the computer surfing the Internet for advice or get on Facebook posting their questions to all those "Facebook" friends. While it might sound like I'm judging you for using the Internet to solve your problems, I'm not, but nothing can replace the interactions people have with more "real" friends.  
        You need people to call you up to check on your sanity when your husband is out of town and you're alone with the wonderful, crazy kids. You need friends to email you those awesome coupon deals. You need people to spend time with, giving your children opportunities to play with others. You need those friends to be there for the struggles with miscarriages, for the constant battle with discipline of your children, for the breast feeding support (husbands can only give so much support here...physical touch), and for those dinner get-aways with friends to escape the craziness of parenthood.
         So, what do you need to do? If you don't have friends, I strongly encourage you to stop being afraid, get outside of your bubble, and reach out to others. When you do that, others will reach out to you. Whether you have children or are in that pregnancy phase, value those friends you have and seek to establish those friendships you, and others, need.


For Men 
       Men, your job is a lot easier. Be there for your wife and be the rock and pillar she needs in times of struggle. Whatever you do, be careful about giving advice (kind of ironic since I just wrote three paragraphs giving women advice) because you will find yourself digging out of huge holes if you always try to solve her problems. If your wife is pregnant and you realize she is in a place where she does not have many female friends and/or people to lean on, get over yourself and help her get connected. Church is a great place to start! I really don't know too many other opportunities where a pregnant women can jump in and find a group of friends. She's not drinking, so she's not at the bar. She's probably not exercising too much so the gym is out. Maybe she likes to knit, croche, or scrapbook. Whatever you do, help her find common ground with others, especially if your wife is staying at home and will not have the social interaction the work environment gives. Above all else, encourage her and pray for her!
 

Are You Prepared to Sacrifice?

 In previous posts I mentioned many issues future parents should address before the baby pops out. The following is a speech I wrote that is being presented Monday, Apr. 14, to the North Carolina General Assembly. I'm not about sharing everything I do with the world (you won't see me posting my dinner creations on Facebook), but  the speech, while it focuses on the state of educator pay in North Carolina, addresses the fact that parents must make sacrificial decisions for the safety and support of our families. My challenge would be to read it and to think about what sacrifices you should be making. Feel free to share with others.

North Carolina General Assembly

I’d like to take a teacher moment and have everyone close your eyes.. Now that your eyes are closed, remember a time in your childhood where you had a great dream or vision for your future. Think about that dream, and picture those individuals who played the greatest roles in helping you reach that dream or who encouraged you to never give up on that dream. Now open your eyes.  I’ll be honest, even though I grew up in Colorado, I dreamed of playing basketball at Duke. There was one problem...I never grew past 5’9”, could never come close to touching the rim, and while I was the starting point guard my senior year of high school, I was given the “RED LIGHT” when it came to shooting the basketball. None of those circumstances helped me to fulfill my dream, but they never stopped me from pushing myself on and off the court. And you know who else it didn’t stop--my teachers and coaches. It was my  eighth-grade teachers who took a group of hormonal, independent middle school students to Washington D.C. every year, all the way from Colorado Springs.  It was Mr. Paige whom I had for two classes in high school and knew I was a horrible test taker, but who never treated me any differently from those straight A, high flying AP students who always scored 5’s on those formidable AP tests. It was Coach Andrusyk, who even though we didn’t see eye-to-eye on everything, stopped me in the locker room after the last senior basketball game and said, “I’d want a son like you,” when I told him I was sorry for the mistakes I made in the game and for not leading the team to better success. When you think about what you just imagined, I’m sure many of your dreams were positively affected by the many educators in your life.  Unfortunately, today’s society is minimizing these roles teachers play in students’ lives, and North Carolina is leading the way.

    My story, like so many other teachers’ stories, started in high school where I felt called to be a teacher. I majored in English Education in college and moved from the great state of Colorado to North Carolina because I was young, because I could, and because like so many other first-year, bright-eyed teachers I thought I could “change the world.” For my first two years I taught 7th grade Language Arts in Charlotte at a school with 90-95% free-reduced lunch. Looking back on that extremely difficult situation, the greatest tragedy was that pay was so minimal that all the experienced teachers either left the school or refused to consider working there as the minimal pay did nothing to ease the stress of such a challenging teaching situation...and this is still the case today with so many North Carolina schools, even the strong ones. Even as a young teacher with no family responsibilities and with all the energy in the world, I went went home each day worn out, struggling to keep fighting the battle, learning what it was like living paycheck to paycheck. I then married my wife, an elementary teacher, moved to Holly Springs, taught English, and coached track at one of North Carolina’s top high schools,  Apex High School, for eight years, all while adding three wonderful children to the mix. We attended and were involved in a great church and developed many lifelong friendships. What could be better?

    On the surface, and to the outsider, things looked great, but there’s more to the story. With three children, it didn’t make sense for my wife to work so she has stayed at home, often working part-time jobs she could do from there. While I earned my Master’s of Education degree and while our mortgage payment was equivalent to apartment rent and while we had no debt, my salary was frozen for six years, our health insurance rose about $200 a month, and gas prices ranged from $2.50 -$4.00. And, while I loved coaching, often times sacrificing family time to do what I felt God called me to do, based on finances I was ready to walk away from it since coaches pay in North Carolina is one of the lowest, if not the lowest, in the country. While I would leave behind the impact coaches have on athletes, I could work fewer hours, with much less stress, at other part-time jobs that would give our family better financial stability.  As a result, like so many other teachers, my family qualified for Medicaid. Now, my intent is not to knock down government aid, but I taught for ten years and hold a Master’s degree. No other professional field can boast such pay to qualification discrepancy. Furthermore, my teaching responsibilities became greater and greater with the focus on standardized testing, with the addition of technology requirements, and with the focus of teacher evaluations being directly tied to and influenced by student test scores. On top of that, while I spent eight years teaching at what I would argue to be one of the top public schools not only in the state but also in the country, I have seen a consistent decline of teacher and administrative morale, even though administration has done all it can to carry the burden the state has placed on the teachers.

    Therefore, when I was unexpectedly offered a job in Ohio, where my wife’s family lives, and to where I swore I would never move, we moved, even though the job turned into part-time. Everybody here in the cornfields can’t believe we moved from NC to Ohio, and while we moved for many reasons, one contributing factor was the degrading pay in North Carolina.

Is this the teachers’ fault? For a small few, yes. Is it the Administrators’ fault? Again, for a small few, yes? However, every leadership training I have attended and every leadership book I have read makes clear that the state of the employees’ morale is a direct reflection of the company’s leadership, and the company for the teachers is the North Carolina Government. My goal is not to point fingers or to create dissension, but rather for leadership to take responsibility to affect change.

    Rather than worrying about living from paycheck to paycheck, worrying about how to pay for medical bills, and worrying about how to make the next mortgage payment, educators need be focused on our jobs. Instead of spending countless hours fighting for respect, we need to engage in healthy debates over whether or not teaching Shakespeare is really relevant to today’s students. Rather than spending hours upon hours jumping through the hoops to qualify for government assistance, teachers should be evaluating how necessary it is for all students to know quadratic formulas, parabalas, and the differences between substitution and elimination. Rather than struggling with the decision to leave the teaching profession in order to find more financial peace and stability, teachers should be dialoguing over whether or not we should be teaching as if we expect all students to go to college.

    Teachers teach to positively affect young people’s minds and to give hope where often there is no hope. We teach because we feel called and challenged to “change the world.” We need our North Carolina leaders to hear that call. We need to stop fighting the party battle, as both parties are equally to blame for the current state of teacher morale, and we need YOU to rise to the challenge as we expect our students to rise to the challenges we give them and as you expect us rise to the challenges you give us!

Mon. Apr. 14
1:30 North Carolina General Assembly in Raleigh

Man Advice

Suck it up and be willing to put selfish desires aside to be there for your family.

Baby Showers

         Mom and BaBy shower                                 

This past weekend my wife went to a baby shower for a family member. She was gone for five hours, which gave inspiration for this post: One of the greatest excuses for pregnant women to spend time with their friends and family is the "baby shower." First and foremost, baby showers are vital to the pre-baby life as your friends and family give/buy you many baby necessities and splurges that you otherwise wouldn't buy yourself. Well, many people will buy that stuff and go into debt, which sets a great example for your child! Therefore, friends are important ( This may sound shallow, but I'm pretty sure we're not on this earth to live lives of isolation.), specifically the woman's friends because males are worthless when it comes to helping friends out with pre-baby planning. We'll take one another out, but we're not buying someone else gifts. Therefore, it's vital you actually have friends, and I'm not talking about Facebook friends and Twitter friends who like to read about what you made for dinner last night. I'll add more about this in a future post, but especially if you don't have close family, you need friends! This may sound harsh, but if you don't have support during pregnancy, you're going to struggle to have it post-pregnancy. Stand on the street corner, hold signs up, and use social media to get yourself some baby showers!

Are there any presents for Dad?

    Now, while such baby parties are important, let's be honest, the men are not part of the party scene except for finding a spot to put all the new "baby stuff" in the house. For our first child, I think Faith probably had 4 or 5 baby showers between work, friends, and family in two different states. Not only did that mean that we were set with what everyone gave us, but it also meant 4-5 excuses Faith had to go spend hours with friends and family. If you have no other children, that's your time to go golf, go to a game, or do something that your wife won't do with you. However, if you have children, here's the reality: the man will be at home watching the kids. Now, don't treat me like I'm an insensitive and unappreciative Dad of the time I get with my children. Of course it's special, fun, and challenging at the same time. However, could I say to my wife 4-5 times within the span of a couple of months, "Hunny, I'm going to be gone 4-5 hours hanging out with "my boys" four times over the next few weeks. I'm here to tell you, that's not going to fly, and my wife is about as gracious and giving as they come!

 Men are like this, waiting for our wives to
get home from the "baby shower."

     So, do I like the idea of baby showers? Sure, they save the future parents tons of time and money.
However, do I think we need to call them what they are and change the name to "Mom & Baby Shower"? Absolutely! There's no shame in that, but much like "wedding showers" or shall we say "bride showers" the "MAN" is not part of the equation. I know this sounds like I'm full of self pity and sensitive emotions, but really, if instead of women going to all the baby showers it was men, I'm pretty confident there would be some issues with the time the man spends away from his wife while he's spending time with his friends.  However, will I encourage my wife to go to any baby showers for her if any come around this fourth time? YES!

Man Advice:
One reason women have so many baby/wedding showers is that their friends and family plan them for them. Men, we must bond together and make plans for one another! Call it a baby shower, and you should be good to go.

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed

As I explained in the last post, there are many things to think about and to plan for before having a baby. I just addressed a few topics, but here are a few more to think about:

1)Should the woman breast feed or not? For my personal safety, I will leave this one alone...for the most part. However, I will say that while I do more support the breast-feeding approach, be prepared to deal with the trials of breast-feeding. It doesn't come easy for everyone; it doesn't physically happen for some--no milk production; it can be painful (if the woman has a low pain tolerance=not good); it can make for some awkward public moments and is not exactly car friendly (if the baby is in the car seat, how's the breast feeding going to work...awkward!).

                                                 

2)If breast-feeding the baby, the parents better prepare for how to feed in public. Some women will be completely embarrassed and isolate themselves from the world every time they feed...like they are diseased or something. Other women have no trouble allowing for all the world to see those milk-enhanced body parts...again making for some awkward moments for those around them. I'm not here to judge which is better (probably a happy medium between the two, including a blanket or "hooter-hider" is best), but make sure you're both on the same page.

                                                       

3)How much time is the husband going to take off work? While every situation is different, and while financial issues, job flexibility, and birthing complexities can affect time taken from work, make sure this issue is discussed. Many workaholics will take very little to no time off. I'm voting against that because you're just saying your job is more important than your wife and child, even though you won't admit it. On the other hand, some people use all their "vacation" time. While this sounds great, that might not be wise either, because during that first year I guarantee you will be needed at home or want a "break" but you can't get it because you used all that time. Probably most people take a week. That's enough time to help establish some new routines with the baby and to be their together, husband and wife, but it's a short enough time to allow the husband to still feel connected to work. Whatever you decide, be flexible and appreciate the time together.
                                                     

4)How involved will your parents and in-laws be the first week? Again, while each situation is different, definitely plan for this if you are fortunate to have your parents/in-laws around for help. For us, we enjoyed having the first week to ourselves. Since we lived away from our parents, Faith's parents drove the 9 hours from Ohio, and mine flew from Colorado to North Carolina for the first couple of days. However, they then left, with my mom and Faith's mom each coming back later for a week at a time while I was back at work. We were able to establish our own routines and protocols (sounds official) without parent interference and judgment. Of course that would never happen! Well, that's how I viewed it. For more insecure women, I would definitely go that route because such women will be questioning/doubting everything anyway and any wrong comment by a "well-intentioned" grandparent (usually grandmother) could severely damage an already fragile psyche. Likewise, since the husband usually will be home that first week, that can make for a crowded house, especially with the stress of having a newborn child. Trust me on this one. Our second child Alexis came one week past the due date, two weeks after my wife's false labor. Yes, my in-laws were in our house for two weeks before the birth...a time I will forever cherish:) I wonder why I came home late every day for those two weeks, but I digress.

The reality is that you need to suck it up, get mature, and realize a baby is coming. Sure you can go pick out all that new cute little bedding (complete waste of money), spend hours decorating the baby room that no baby will notice and that will change before the baby can even appreciate it (basically an opportunity for parents to show off) and buy all those "first time" baby albums that few people use. However, have some real conversations that help prepare all parties involved for the arrival of that first baby!


Man Advice:
Think of some projects that need to be done around the house because when that baby is home that first week, you won't go out much. Neither parent will probably get much sleep at night, and while you think, "We'll just nap when the baby naps," good luck, that doesn't work.