Do You Have Friends?

I've mentioned a few times the importance of having friends as I'm noticing more and more that many people don't have "true friends" in today's world. No, Twitter and Facebook friends don't count. I realize that every time I see a picture of someone's great "dinner" they made that my life is forever changed, and every time I see a "tweet" about the fact that someone is bored makes me want to go unbore them and tell them they have a free will and can go DO SOMETHING, and every time I see a post about how "long" a person's day has been makes me see what great complainers we all are, but I'm talking about real friends. These are people with whom you actually have a conversation, people who have invested in your life and whose lives you have invested in. We all need these people, but they're a dying breed, and when it comes to pregnancy and children, if you don't have them you will go through unnecessary trials and tribulations that can easily be avoided.
                                                   
For Women
I mentioned in the previous post about friends' importance in the baby shower phenomenon. However, that's just a surface bonus of friendship; although, as I've made clear I'm a big fan of other people buying baby things for the many soon-to-be "poor" parents. Friendships should go much deeper, which was made ever more clear recently as our family made a voyage to our old stomping grounds in North Carolina. In our six days there, we managed to see many people who were part of our lives for the past eight years. Before we headed to Virginia to see my brother and his family, we closed out the NC portion of the trip with a big get together with all the mom's and kids that were part of a women's Bible study over the past 6 years. Don't worry, as I know you're worried about "the man" and what I did during that party time, I left to be with other friends and to get away from the chaos. So, minus one or two kids who were in school, there were 20 kids running around the house with their mothers watching. I reference that time together because those ladies have gone through pregnancy, birth, and child rearing together. They have spent countless hours on the phone, email, Facebook, and at one anothers' homes, giving advice to and spending time with one another. I know too many mothers who don't have that so all they do is sit on the computer surfing the Internet for advice or get on Facebook posting their questions to all those "Facebook" friends. While it might sound like I'm judging you for using the Internet to solve your problems, I'm not, but nothing can replace the interactions people have with more "real" friends.  
        You need people to call you up to check on your sanity when your husband is out of town and you're alone with the wonderful, crazy kids. You need friends to email you those awesome coupon deals. You need people to spend time with, giving your children opportunities to play with others. You need those friends to be there for the struggles with miscarriages, for the constant battle with discipline of your children, for the breast feeding support (husbands can only give so much support here...physical touch), and for those dinner get-aways with friends to escape the craziness of parenthood.
         So, what do you need to do? If you don't have friends, I strongly encourage you to stop being afraid, get outside of your bubble, and reach out to others. When you do that, others will reach out to you. Whether you have children or are in that pregnancy phase, value those friends you have and seek to establish those friendships you, and others, need.


For Men 
       Men, your job is a lot easier. Be there for your wife and be the rock and pillar she needs in times of struggle. Whatever you do, be careful about giving advice (kind of ironic since I just wrote three paragraphs giving women advice) because you will find yourself digging out of huge holes if you always try to solve her problems. If your wife is pregnant and you realize she is in a place where she does not have many female friends and/or people to lean on, get over yourself and help her get connected. Church is a great place to start! I really don't know too many other opportunities where a pregnant women can jump in and find a group of friends. She's not drinking, so she's not at the bar. She's probably not exercising too much so the gym is out. Maybe she likes to knit, croche, or scrapbook. Whatever you do, help her find common ground with others, especially if your wife is staying at home and will not have the social interaction the work environment gives. Above all else, encourage her and pray for her!