It's been a few days since my last post because, well, we have three kids. More this week than in past weeks I was brought back to earth as to how much work it is raising children, especially little ones. I can't wait until there's no more diapers, no more brushing teeth, dirty underwear, etc! However, I know in some little way I'll probably miss all that when it becomes a distant memory. When such children experiences approach us, we must learn to deal with them. On that note, one of the greatest struggles parents have is dealing with discipline.
In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.
Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.
Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Find Some Storage!
While I addressed how expensive children can be in my previous blog, many of the expenses that come with children need a place to live! In other words, welcome to the world of storage!
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Children are Expensive!
There are so many different new experiences and realities about parenthood that I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with one we can all relate to - Babies/children are expensive!
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
Go to garage sales, Craigslist, and children's used clothing/toys stores. Greed and envy often times lead us to live lives based on material possessions rather than on joy and contentment. New things can be great, and we have some, but financial freedom comes when we stop worrying about what we think we need and what we want people to think of us and start being content with where we are and with what we have.
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Parenthood Here We Come!
I thought I'd take a quick opportunity to take a step back and clarify a few things about my reason for writing the blog. My purpose is not to infuriate anyone or to place blame on anyone or "females" for that matter, and least of all I'm not in any way intending to slander my wife. On the contrary, my whole intent is to share true feelings (just writing that word is tough for me) that so many people keep bottled up and/or that can help shed light on what men experience throughout the pregnancy and childbirth process.
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| What could be better but a great family set against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains! |
As I shared multiple times in the pregnancy writings, before that first child, both men and women are looking at a complete life change. I think because women are carrying the child, they become more easily attached to this new reality. However, we men don't have that connection, so it's hard for us to feel that emotional attachment. Likewise, we so often see women receiving comfort and support from other women, and often times there's a void for us. Furthermore, as I've noted previously, most literature and information about pregnancy is either about preparing to be a parent, or is focused on women. Whether or not we admit, which I rarely do, men need support and like to know that we're not the only ones experiencing the angst, loss of self, etc. that surrounds the coming of a new child.
At the same time, once that child is born, we often times feel lost. We maybe haven't read all the literature that our wives have, or maybe we thought that magically out of the womb would pop the future Heisman Award winner or the future President (I wouldn't wish that on anyone); what comes out is God's beautiful creation, but it's foreign to us.
So before I continue forward, moving toward discussing what it's like to actually be a parent, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm not the perfect parent (well, at least today I wasn't), so not everything I write is true or is what you feel or have experienced, but I know that I'm not alone. Women, please realize that men don't think like you (I hope you've realized this or life is going to be difficult for you), and, Men, please know that even if you agree with what I say, don't always say so out loud to your wife!
Finally, while much of what I write is laced with sarcasm and friendly banter, I do believe in most of what I write. As we move now to talking about being a parent, please feel free to add comments and extra dialogue. Those words will help people see different perspectives of parenthood that can be very helpful. Likewise, feel free to share the blog with your friends, husbands, and family. Thank you for your support, and above all when all else fails with raising a family, Christ is always there for us to lean on.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Learn to be content with what you have. It's that selfishness, greed, and envy that most often sends us into difficult financial situations.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Get Rid of Stress!
Let's take some time this post to share things that parents do with babies that often times makes parenting a toddler much more stressful than it needs to be. Let me be clear that I know every baby is different and God's unique creation, so there are some exceptions to the words that follow, but have an open mind.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
A Week Off Work!
After you've survived the reality of being home with your new baby, it's time to get to business! If you stay home for any extended period, you've got to figure out what those days will look like. Here's what happens with the first birth:
1)You realize the truth that babies don't do anything but sleep and/or cry! I thought Isaiah would pop out of Faith and be ready to go play some sports. Well, that idea was shot when it took two months just for Isaiah to smile.
2)You've taken days off of school, but your wife doesn't feel like going anywhere because she's either too tired, too sore, or she doesn't want the baby exposed to germs. That means you're stuck at home, or you're shopping for groceries! When your in-laws/family are staying at your house, those days could feel long (of course I didn't experience this). Some guys don't take work off for this very reason because we want to feel productive, and staying home for those days doesn't make us feel that way. However, Men, that time isn't meant for us to "be productive" but for us to support our wives and be there for our children's first moments, even if they won't remember them. This was hard for me as I'm not one to sit still, but Faith appreciated me being there.
3)I've already talked about how ridiculous it is for both parents to be up in the middle of the night, so figure out how you want to handle the night. The great thing is that babies are not predictable, so you've got to be ready to roll with the punches. If your wife breastfeeds, figure out who's going to stay up with the baby if he/she doesn't fall back to sleep. It's especially awesome (insert some sarcasm here) when babies switch their nights and days. Good luck with whoever gets the night shift!
4)If you're bottle feeding, there's absolutely no need for both people to be up. Take shifts while the other people sleeps. On this note, if you notice your baby cries a lot, don't just accept it and label your baby colicky. Change formulas, try non-dairy, etc. I know there are things that make babies cry, but I've known many people who could have saved lots of stress and crying by trying to solve the problem rather than just accepting it.
5)While you're home, take advantage of the time and relax. Don't feel guilty if you're watching a lot of movies or are not going out anywhere. You need to bank as much rest time as possible before you go back to work.
Financial Tip of the Day:
This is my personal plug, but go to www.solavei.com. This company is creating a revolution in the cell phone industry, and you can be part of it. $50 a month for 4G unlimited everything, and you can be paid just by signing people up. We don't even have our phones yet and should be getting a $90 paycheck this month. It will hopefully only increase each month for as long as we maintain service. Do no pre-judge or associate with pyramid companies. We don't remember people who quit but rather people who go out and make a difference. If you're interested, find me on Facebook or email at mattfaithperkins@gmail.com.
Questions:
1)How many men went right back to work after the baby was born? Based on who's responding to the question, was this good or bad?
2)What did some of you do during the days when both of you were home? Should people be worrried about the germs or "get out"?
3)Anything you did to help the colicky baby?
1)You realize the truth that babies don't do anything but sleep and/or cry! I thought Isaiah would pop out of Faith and be ready to go play some sports. Well, that idea was shot when it took two months just for Isaiah to smile.
2)You've taken days off of school, but your wife doesn't feel like going anywhere because she's either too tired, too sore, or she doesn't want the baby exposed to germs. That means you're stuck at home, or you're shopping for groceries! When your in-laws/family are staying at your house, those days could feel long (of course I didn't experience this). Some guys don't take work off for this very reason because we want to feel productive, and staying home for those days doesn't make us feel that way. However, Men, that time isn't meant for us to "be productive" but for us to support our wives and be there for our children's first moments, even if they won't remember them. This was hard for me as I'm not one to sit still, but Faith appreciated me being there.
3)I've already talked about how ridiculous it is for both parents to be up in the middle of the night, so figure out how you want to handle the night. The great thing is that babies are not predictable, so you've got to be ready to roll with the punches. If your wife breastfeeds, figure out who's going to stay up with the baby if he/she doesn't fall back to sleep. It's especially awesome (insert some sarcasm here) when babies switch their nights and days. Good luck with whoever gets the night shift!
4)If you're bottle feeding, there's absolutely no need for both people to be up. Take shifts while the other people sleeps. On this note, if you notice your baby cries a lot, don't just accept it and label your baby colicky. Change formulas, try non-dairy, etc. I know there are things that make babies cry, but I've known many people who could have saved lots of stress and crying by trying to solve the problem rather than just accepting it.
5)While you're home, take advantage of the time and relax. Don't feel guilty if you're watching a lot of movies or are not going out anywhere. You need to bank as much rest time as possible before you go back to work.
Financial Tip of the Day:
This is my personal plug, but go to www.solavei.com. This company is creating a revolution in the cell phone industry, and you can be part of it. $50 a month for 4G unlimited everything, and you can be paid just by signing people up. We don't even have our phones yet and should be getting a $90 paycheck this month. It will hopefully only increase each month for as long as we maintain service. Do no pre-judge or associate with pyramid companies. We don't remember people who quit but rather people who go out and make a difference. If you're interested, find me on Facebook or email at mattfaithperkins@gmail.com.
Questions:
1)How many men went right back to work after the baby was born? Based on who's responding to the question, was this good or bad?
2)What did some of you do during the days when both of you were home? Should people be worrried about the germs or "get out"?
3)Anything you did to help the colicky baby?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Taking the Baby Home
Well, the days of sleeping in and resting as much as you want are over by the time you take that first child home. Once the children are all out of the house, you'll be too old to sleep in. So here's how I, as a man, felt getting ready to go home from the hospital:
1)First, I don't know that I even showered the two days at the hospital, so that was grose. On top of that, I had just changed a few dirty diapers for the first time. What's with all this recording every "bowel movement" and pee action that takes place?( I know there's a real medical reason...) It's just one more thing for parents to worry about. Listen, if the baby isn't going to the bathroom you'll know. Yet, and the guilty will remain unknown, I know people who were still recording BM's for weeks. Why can't we just call it "poop"?
2)I realize some people have home births, car births, etc,. but typically parents start to get everything packed up and ready to go home. I've gotta be honest here. I wasn't ready to go. People were waiting on us, and I kind of liked it. Plus, because we didn't have cable for the second and third child, I was all about the cable.
3)At this point, it's time to put that "perfect" take home outfit that you've been waiting to put on a six pound baby that can't even hold his/her head up. Just getting the legs through is hard enough! Are you kidding me? What kind of marketing scheme have we fallen prey to? This need to have a special outfit just to sit in the car just might have signaled the beginning of our country's economic downfall. What a waste of money! And then you get home and swaddle the baby so he/she can sleep, so the clothes are hidden anyway!
4)Well, you've got everything together and head out the door to put the baby seat into the carseat base. Now, I'm glad I have a rule-following, researching wife, because when I got the to van to put the carseat in I didn't even know which way the carseat went. I played it off well, and the nurse never knew. Men, newborns are rear-facing. On this note, make sure you check how to use the carseat correctly. It freaks me out to see how some of our friends use their carseats. There's a carseat manual for a reason!
5)You finally arrive home, and reality sets in. The men are going to play basketball, and you're left changing a poopy diaper, entertaining a house full of guests wondering, "How did this happen?"
Don't worry, regardless of how new and scary this all is, it's part of God's plan, and the new life is one of the most precious things you will ever hold in your hand.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Don't try to keep pace with the Joneses and feel like you need to buy a "new" car. There are plenty of great, more affordable new vehicles that satisfy what you need, not want.
Questions:
1)What's the dumbest/awkward thing you did the first day with the baby home?
2) Have you noticed a lot of people putting their child's lives in danger because they don't know how to use the carseat correctly? Should people say something to their friends? This can be tricky.
1)First, I don't know that I even showered the two days at the hospital, so that was grose. On top of that, I had just changed a few dirty diapers for the first time. What's with all this recording every "bowel movement" and pee action that takes place?( I know there's a real medical reason...) It's just one more thing for parents to worry about. Listen, if the baby isn't going to the bathroom you'll know. Yet, and the guilty will remain unknown, I know people who were still recording BM's for weeks. Why can't we just call it "poop"?
2)I realize some people have home births, car births, etc,. but typically parents start to get everything packed up and ready to go home. I've gotta be honest here. I wasn't ready to go. People were waiting on us, and I kind of liked it. Plus, because we didn't have cable for the second and third child, I was all about the cable.
3)At this point, it's time to put that "perfect" take home outfit that you've been waiting to put on a six pound baby that can't even hold his/her head up. Just getting the legs through is hard enough! Are you kidding me? What kind of marketing scheme have we fallen prey to? This need to have a special outfit just to sit in the car just might have signaled the beginning of our country's economic downfall. What a waste of money! And then you get home and swaddle the baby so he/she can sleep, so the clothes are hidden anyway!
4)Well, you've got everything together and head out the door to put the baby seat into the carseat base. Now, I'm glad I have a rule-following, researching wife, because when I got the to van to put the carseat in I didn't even know which way the carseat went. I played it off well, and the nurse never knew. Men, newborns are rear-facing. On this note, make sure you check how to use the carseat correctly. It freaks me out to see how some of our friends use their carseats. There's a carseat manual for a reason!
5)You finally arrive home, and reality sets in. The men are going to play basketball, and you're left changing a poopy diaper, entertaining a house full of guests wondering, "How did this happen?"
Don't worry, regardless of how new and scary this all is, it's part of God's plan, and the new life is one of the most precious things you will ever hold in your hand.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Don't try to keep pace with the Joneses and feel like you need to buy a "new" car. There are plenty of great, more affordable new vehicles that satisfy what you need, not want.
Questions:
1)What's the dumbest/awkward thing you did the first day with the baby home?
2) Have you noticed a lot of people putting their child's lives in danger because they don't know how to use the carseat correctly? Should people say something to their friends? This can be tricky.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Men Planning for Birth #2
As stated in my previous post, planning ahead for children and childbirth can save a lot of pain, heartache, and stress. Her is round two of what men, and their wives, should think about before that baby arrives.
1)Are you going to have the baby sleep in your room, and if so how long will that last?
Pro - Because the baby will be eating every three or four hours for the first couple of weeks, having the baby in your room allows for easier feeding and hopefully better sleeping-takes less energy.
Con - Some babies make a lot of noise. One or both of you can get attached to the idea, and then you can't get the baby out of your room. That's just one more piece of furniture in the room.
Isaiah and Audrey, our oldest and youngest were in our room the longest, a little over two months, but the Alexis made two much noise so we moved her out in the middle of the night. I could hear every noise! The marriage bed was made for two people!
2)Who will get up with the baby, if he/she won't sleep? Ummm, there's an obvious answer here, but I'll keep it to myself. Haha. I've know some people who get up together? Does this make sense. Hey, instead of one of us getting some sleep, how about we both don't sleep. That's not smart. I know women will want to bite my head off for saying this, but if the woman is staying home and the man is going to work, a man's perspective is that it's best he sleeps because he needs to expend energy at work, and then he can be helpful at home. The best way to not get your husbands' help at home is to make him get up with the baby every night! On the other hand, I also know men that never get up with the baby at night. That's ridiculous! Man up and help your wife! You can do with a lack of sleep for a few weeks! Bottom line, it's a shared job so figure out how it works best for you both.
3)Will you be able to play golf on the weekends, play in an adult sports league, etc.?
Pro - This helps men maintain some normalcy in life and provides for a release. We can continue to foster relationships with friends which often times are lost with the arrival of children.
Con - This is more time away from home. Women who stay at home probably have a harder time with this since their weekends seem no different from the week if the husband is gone. Women can feel "stuck" with the baby and become jealous.
My suggestion is that couples figure out how to adjust some of that time so men aren't gone as much, but also to encourage women to go out so they don't feel jealous or stuck. Women shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the baby home with the father, and if they choose not to, then I say you can't get mad at the man! I've had quite a few friends struggle with this. Guys, if you don't want to give up your former life; you've got to give up something, somewhere.
4)Do you let the baby cry to sleep or hold them? I'll just tell you what I've observed and then give you the best answer, which I'm sure you all agree with. I've heard doctors and friends say, "You can't spoil a baby by holding them." OK, at what point are they too old to be spoiled? I teach some high school students whose parents haven't figured this one out yet:) Obviously, right away, the baby is too young to soothe him/herself, but I've also seen people's lives be completely consumed by "holding the baby" because they won't let the baby cry. I know some of my friends disagree with me here as they think it's mean to let them cry. At the same time, if the baby's crying for 30 minutes something should be done. Faith and I have taken the approach to try to not hold the babies too much. Our priority was to lay them down while they are sleepy, but before they fall asleep. There are times we've had to let them cry, but if you're consistent the crying eventually goes away. Let's be honest, our children have primarily slept through the night, as in 8 hours, from 2-3 months, so something must be working. Of course, I would never think of this truth (sarcastic) when people complain how tired they are and how often they get up with their children at night because they won't let them cry. As I often times proclaim, "Close the door!" and you all will be able to sleep.
*There are special situations where those little ones can be extra fussy. Taking longer to get the sleeping thing down. Be patient, take breaks and remember that all kids will get it eventually.
While there are many more things to think about and plan for, these are just a few. I guarantee that you will have some conflicts if you discuss these issues ahead of time.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Think about refinancing your house. Mortgage rates are extremely low, and even though you may have to pay closing costs, you can drastically lower your monthly bill while in some cases paying off more of your house.
1)Are you going to have the baby sleep in your room, and if so how long will that last?
Pro - Because the baby will be eating every three or four hours for the first couple of weeks, having the baby in your room allows for easier feeding and hopefully better sleeping-takes less energy.
Con - Some babies make a lot of noise. One or both of you can get attached to the idea, and then you can't get the baby out of your room. That's just one more piece of furniture in the room.
Isaiah and Audrey, our oldest and youngest were in our room the longest, a little over two months, but the Alexis made two much noise so we moved her out in the middle of the night. I could hear every noise! The marriage bed was made for two people!
2)Who will get up with the baby, if he/she won't sleep? Ummm, there's an obvious answer here, but I'll keep it to myself. Haha. I've know some people who get up together? Does this make sense. Hey, instead of one of us getting some sleep, how about we both don't sleep. That's not smart. I know women will want to bite my head off for saying this, but if the woman is staying home and the man is going to work, a man's perspective is that it's best he sleeps because he needs to expend energy at work, and then he can be helpful at home. The best way to not get your husbands' help at home is to make him get up with the baby every night! On the other hand, I also know men that never get up with the baby at night. That's ridiculous! Man up and help your wife! You can do with a lack of sleep for a few weeks! Bottom line, it's a shared job so figure out how it works best for you both.
3)Will you be able to play golf on the weekends, play in an adult sports league, etc.?
Pro - This helps men maintain some normalcy in life and provides for a release. We can continue to foster relationships with friends which often times are lost with the arrival of children.
Con - This is more time away from home. Women who stay at home probably have a harder time with this since their weekends seem no different from the week if the husband is gone. Women can feel "stuck" with the baby and become jealous.
My suggestion is that couples figure out how to adjust some of that time so men aren't gone as much, but also to encourage women to go out so they don't feel jealous or stuck. Women shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the baby home with the father, and if they choose not to, then I say you can't get mad at the man! I've had quite a few friends struggle with this. Guys, if you don't want to give up your former life; you've got to give up something, somewhere.
4)Do you let the baby cry to sleep or hold them? I'll just tell you what I've observed and then give you the best answer, which I'm sure you all agree with. I've heard doctors and friends say, "You can't spoil a baby by holding them." OK, at what point are they too old to be spoiled? I teach some high school students whose parents haven't figured this one out yet:) Obviously, right away, the baby is too young to soothe him/herself, but I've also seen people's lives be completely consumed by "holding the baby" because they won't let the baby cry. I know some of my friends disagree with me here as they think it's mean to let them cry. At the same time, if the baby's crying for 30 minutes something should be done. Faith and I have taken the approach to try to not hold the babies too much. Our priority was to lay them down while they are sleepy, but before they fall asleep. There are times we've had to let them cry, but if you're consistent the crying eventually goes away. Let's be honest, our children have primarily slept through the night, as in 8 hours, from 2-3 months, so something must be working. Of course, I would never think of this truth (sarcastic) when people complain how tired they are and how often they get up with their children at night because they won't let them cry. As I often times proclaim, "Close the door!" and you all will be able to sleep.
*There are special situations where those little ones can be extra fussy. Taking longer to get the sleeping thing down. Be patient, take breaks and remember that all kids will get it eventually.
While there are many more things to think about and plan for, these are just a few. I guarantee that you will have some conflicts if you discuss these issues ahead of time.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Think about refinancing your house. Mortgage rates are extremely low, and even though you may have to pay closing costs, you can drastically lower your monthly bill while in some cases paying off more of your house.
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