Be a Leader! Super Bowl Bound?

The last few days I had some ideas write for me next post, but watching some of the pre-game Super Bowl festivities makes me reflect on the importance of training our leaders to lead! By the way I'm writing this as I watch the halftime show of the Super Bowl...I guess there's a requirement to not wear clothes if you're the headlining act. Unbelievable! Well, I'm a track coach, and recently our coaching staff met with administration to discuss expectations we have that a parent strongly disagrees. We have some differing views on training, parenting, etc. During the meeting, he made the comment, "You all expect too much of my daughter. She's only fifteen, way too young to be a leader." What? She's too young to be a leader! I didn't even know how to process that statement. Is he saying he doesn't believe in his daughter? Is he saying he hasn't trained her right to be leader? Is he saying he can't let her go and therefore must protect her from anything, other than her father, that could influence her? I'm still left dumbfounded by the comment and have lost much sleep over it. The following day I even presented the quote to my class to write about it (don't worry, I didn't tell them where I heard it), and their comments were enlightening, mostly portraying the same thoughts I've had. I told them discussing the quote was challenging them to "think deeply," but really I think I was just looking for support:)

 I give the example to make a point. Ladies and Gentlemen, we must train and inspire our children to aspire for greatness, which only comes through training them to be leaders. I've been talking to my son, since he could process what being a leader meant, about being a leader. Of course I've heard all the excuses: "But they're older than me..." or "It's too hard..." or "But nobody else is doing it..." Hey, I get his points. We've all been there, and from someone who played on sports teams through college, I get them. Being a leader isn't always easy. Okay, let's be honest, sometimes it places you on an island, leaving you feeling all alone. Yet, going back to my previous example for my track athlete, what am I supposed to say on the first day of track practice? "Team, I want each of you to make a decision right now to be the best follower you can be! Don't try to lead, and don't try to set the example! You're too young, and I don't want you overworking yourselves. I want each of you to find the best follower on the team and follow him/her. I want each one of you to aspire to greatness. I want you to follow!" That might be a little sarcastic, but the reality is that the parent was simply saying something that too many people believe today, especially in regards to our young boys. We are so worried about protecting our children and enabling them that either they don't know how to lead, or, as is the case with my athlete, we won't let them lead. As a result, today's youth don't have other youths to look up to. I see it in my classroom every day, and I see it on our sports teams. In fact, that's why athletes like Tim Tebow, Peyton Manning, Ray Lewis, Kobe Bryant, etc. are so admired by the media as they set examples that so many others don't.

 At the same time, so many of those athletes are negatively judged and condemned because they do stand out as leaders as we have a hard time embracing leaders because we don't see them anymore. Think about what you can do to prepare your children to be leaders, because if you don't they will easily fall prey to the many pressures society places upon them. Set the example and lead!

 1)What are some things you've done to train your children to lead? 2)Any inspiring or uninspiring stories of leadership?

Pregnancy, Fatherhood, and the Man Book!

I know I've definitely been weak the past few months in doing anything with this blog. Honestly, most of that is due to me wondering what I want to do with writing. And, more importantly, what I want to do with my life (or, for the more spiritual, what God wants to do with my life). I've been an English teacher for ten years, two years at the middle school level (never going there again...), and eight years at the high school level, teaching English, writing, and speech classes (and behavior, etiquette, respect, higher-level/life changing thinking--you get the point). Without going into all the inner workings of my thought life, let's just say that, like many people, I'm interested in possibly pursuing something else. That may or may not include the education world, and may just simply be a hobby. Who knows? But I tell my students all the time to not be complacent and to not live status-quo lives, or at least maybe I've said that once at track practice, so I better live by what I preach.

 I've always been interested in writing, not the antiquated essay writing I teach to my students, but real writing that could actually be of benefit to the reader. Having said that, while I have multiple topics and ideas I'd like to address, one that currently remains most dear to my heart is that of the man's role in pregnancy and fatherhood. I don't want to write about something that has already been written about, and anything I've found about men and pregnancy/fatherhood is limited to idealistic or extra serious views of the topic, not that those aren't needed because have you looked at the world around us, we all need help. Or, the books are written by women. No offense, but seriously, would a women want me writing about what it's like to breast-feed or what it's like to actually give birth...no! I'd have my head cut off. Now, I need your help. My thought is to make this short and entertaining, small enough to put in the bathroom or on the coffee table. I've been brainstorming, researching, and talking to others about what steps to take next. You can help me by responding to any of the following questions:

  1)Would your husband read a 50-75 pg. book about the realities of pregnancy, the birth process, and the first year? 2)Females, if you've already had children, do you think it would have been beneficial to get perspective on what your husband was thinking as you went through the process? 3)Do you think your husband would see that as good reading material? 4)Men, would you have found it beneficial to read a man-friendly book about pregnancy and fatherhood that wasn't hundreds of pages long like What to Expect When You're Expecting and all those heavy reading books (literally and figuratively)? You can either comment on the blog (I changed the settings so you shouldn't need an account) or you can email me at www.mattfaithperkins@gmail.com. Please be free and honest with your thoughts.

Thoughts on Connecticut and "Where Was God?" video

I have been on hiatus for a few months, but I've been once again been inspired to share my thoughts (even if no one reads them) in regards to parenting. In light of this past week's disheartening events in Connecticut, I posted the following words on Facebook and challenge you to think about them as many of us are in the middle of making choices in how to effectively raise our children.

I encourage you to watch the attached video. Please put aside any immediate political dislikes as what Mr. Huckabee has to say is something we should all take to heart. I'd like to add a few points:
Throughout the past few days, I've heard person after person say we should pray. We should go home and hug our kids. We should figure out how to stop all the violence! While these are all valid points, I think they point out a flaw in our thinking--we should already be doing these things every day.
Can these simple daily acts make everything better? No, but they can add comfort, strength, and moral guidance when needed. They can bring us closer to God, the creator of this universe, the maker and giver of life. However, as Mr. Huckabee so eloquently states, we've taken God out of the equation, we've pushed him away. As a few of my colleagues stated at work today, "Maybe things seem worse than the past due to readily available news, but more likely we're getting worse and worse. We're more selfish, more violent, and more mentally unstable, as a society, than ever before." Of course we can come up with all kinds of reasons for this, but there can be no argument that the more and more we've taken away faith and morality and made them unique to everyone's own interpretation of who they are in and of themselves, the more we've seen society decline.

We believe we deserve whatever material possessions, and we're now in a terrible economic crisis, blaming everyone but ourselves.
We have taken life, something that was so sacred and valued during our grandparents' generations, and we’ve reduced it to "a tissue we can get rid of if it gets in our way."
We've made The Hunger Games, a story about survival of the fittest where killing all other children is necessary to preserve one's life, the number one best seller among teens, applauding “murder” because it’s fictitious.
We've taken moral and absolute truths with regards to marriage, love, and parenting, things that were also once sacred, and have again devalued them, bringing persecution to those who hold to such "traditional, antiquated" beliefs.
We’ve told our school systems to raise our children and train them in the right direction, but we’ve taken all faith-based moral guidance out of public schools, reducing teachers’ training motivation to “You need to learn this to be more successful,” which means “to make money,” but just look around. Those with great wealth show no more happiness than those without. In fact that propensity, that desire for wealth often is what brings so much emotional pain to people.
That was a horrible, evil crime committed last Friday, but when I turned on the late news, I heard over and over person after person from around this state and around this country being robbed, being hurt, being murdered. These things happen daily around the world. When people ask the question, “How can this happen?” we have the answer right in front of us, and we are the only people who can stop it, but must be willing to step out, be willing to not be ashamed of God’s truth and be willing to be the change in society rather than be changed by society.
We’ve spent the last fifty-sixty years conducting the great experiment of putting our trust and faith in human beings, fallible, selfish beings. Maybe it’s time to adjust and put our faith in something else!

Please feel free to share this, not for me but for those twenty-seven individuals whose lives were so tragically taken from this earth.

I'm Sick!

It's been a little while since my last post, mostly due to the point that sickness has been running through the family and hit me hard, which is abnormal. I think I took my first legit sick day in over two years. So, I've decided what better topic to discuss than how to handle being a sick parent.

First, let's look at how to care for a sick husband/wife. The reality is that kids add a whole new dynamic to being sick. Before kids, if I or Faith were sick, we'd have some lazy days of TV watching, with the healthy spouse waiting hand and foot on the unhealthy one. With kids, that becomes more challenging. First, you must decide, "Should you both stay home, one being sick and the other taking care of kids, if they're at home, or can you handle having the kids all day even though your sick?" If your kids go to daycare, preschool, etc., this is an easy one. Don't keep them home, even though you'll be tempted, because you need your rest. The most important thing is for the sick patient to rest and begin the healing process. Therefore, the healthy spouse must step up to the plate! Men, this may mean you take the kids out of the house for a while, go out to eat, and entertain the kids so your wife can rest. Women, this goes the same for you if your husband is sick. I know for stay-at-home moms this can be difficult as you've already been with the kids all day, but you chose that life and you need to do for your husband what you would want your husband to do for you. I know sometimes I brag on my wife, but she was awesome this last time I was sick. Granted, she doesn't see me sick often, but she would have served me food in bed all day if I would have let her. 

On the flip side, if you are the sick one, you need to be aware that you can be a burden. From experience with others, I have definitely noticed that for some reason most women deal with sickness better that men, especially mothers. Therefore, Men, sometimes you must suck it up. You may be feeling horrible and you may need rest, which you need to get, but don't make your wife baby you! Don't take her for granted as so many men do. I'm not saying to not act sick, because if you are then you need to do all you can to heal, but because your spouse with be exerting extra energy taking care of the children, you don't want him/her to feel like she/he needs to exert more energy on you. Likewise, sickness shouldn't prevent you from helping at the house but allow you to "work from home" or go places. If you can do those things, then you can help with the kids.

Being a sick parent is not fun, and being the healthy parent can take a lot of extra energy, but part of being a parent/spouse is being selfless, not just for your kids, but for your spouse as well, which sometimes we forget once the children arrive.

Financial Tip-of-the-Day!
Rather than take your tax return money and spend it all on a vacation, new piece of furniture, ect., put in toward something the will acquire more wealth in the future (mutual fund, stock, etc.).

Parent Roles - Who's Right and Who's Wrong

It's been a few days since my last post because, well, we have three kids. More this week than in past weeks I was brought back to earth as to how much work it is raising children, especially little ones. I can't wait until there's no more diapers, no more brushing teeth, dirty underwear, etc! However, I know in some little way I'll probably miss all that when it becomes a distant memory. When such children experiences approach us, we must learn to deal with them. On that note, one of the greatest struggles parents have is dealing with discipline.

In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.

Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.

Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.

Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.

Find Some Storage!

While I addressed how expensive children can be in my previous blog, many of the expenses that come with children need a place to live! In other words, welcome to the world of storage!

After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?

Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.

Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!

Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade.  All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost. 

Children are Expensive!

There are so many different new experiences and realities about parenthood that I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with one we can all relate to - Babies/children are expensive!

Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!

On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.

Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.

Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.

Financial Tip of the Day!

Go to garage sales, Craigslist, and children's used clothing/toys stores. Greed and envy often times lead us to live lives based on material possessions rather than on joy and contentment. New things can be great, and we have some, but financial freedom comes when we stop worrying about what we think we need and what we want people to think of us and start being content with where we are and with what we have.


            I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!

Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?