I have been on hiatus for a few months, but I've been once again been inspired to share my thoughts (even if no one reads them) in regards to parenting. In light of this past week's disheartening events in Connecticut, I posted the following words on Facebook and challenge you to think about them as many of us are in the middle of making choices in how to effectively raise our children.
I encourage you to watch the attached video. Please put aside any immediate political dislikes as what Mr. Huckabee has to say is something we should all take to heart. I'd like to add a few points:
Throughout the past few days, I've heard person after person say we should pray. We should go home and hug our kids. We should figure out how to stop all the violence! While these are all valid points, I think they point out a flaw in our thinking--we should already be doing these things every day.
Can these simple daily acts make everything better? No, but they can add comfort, strength, and moral guidance when needed. They can bring us closer to God, the creator of this universe, the maker and giver of life. However, as Mr. Huckabee so eloquently states, we've taken God out of the equation, we've pushed him away. As a few of my colleagues stated at work today, "Maybe things seem worse than the past due to readily available news, but more likely we're getting worse and worse. We're more selfish, more violent, and more mentally unstable, as a society, than ever before." Of course we can come up with all kinds of reasons for this, but there can be no argument that the more and more we've taken away faith and morality and made them unique to everyone's own interpretation of who they are in and of themselves, the more we've seen society decline.
We believe we deserve whatever material possessions, and we're now in a terrible economic crisis, blaming everyone but ourselves.
We have taken life, something that was so sacred and valued during our grandparents' generations, and we’ve reduced it to "a tissue we can get rid of if it gets in our way."
We've made The Hunger Games, a story about survival of the fittest where killing all other children is necessary to preserve one's life, the number one best seller among teens, applauding “murder” because it’s fictitious.
We've taken moral and absolute truths with regards to marriage, love, and parenting, things that were also once sacred, and have again devalued them, bringing persecution to those who hold to such "traditional, antiquated" beliefs.
We’ve told our school systems to raise our children and train them in the right direction, but we’ve taken all faith-based moral guidance out of public schools, reducing teachers’ training motivation to “You need to learn this to be more successful,” which means “to make money,” but just look around. Those with great wealth show no more happiness than those without. In fact that propensity, that desire for wealth often is what brings so much emotional pain to people.
That was a horrible, evil crime committed last Friday, but when I turned on the late news, I heard over and over person after person from around this state and around this country being robbed, being hurt, being murdered. These things happen daily around the world. When people ask the question, “How can this happen?” we have the answer right in front of us, and we are the only people who can stop it, but must be willing to step out, be willing to not be ashamed of God’s truth and be willing to be the change in society rather than be changed by society.
We’ve spent the last fifty-sixty years conducting the great experiment of putting our trust and faith in human beings, fallible, selfish beings. Maybe it’s time to adjust and put our faith in something else!
Please feel free to share this, not for me but for those twenty-seven individuals whose lives were so tragically taken from this earth.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I'm Sick!
It's been a little while since my last post, mostly due to the point that sickness has been running through the family and hit me hard, which is abnormal. I think I took my first legit sick day in over two years. So, I've decided what better topic to discuss than how to handle being a sick parent.
First, let's look at how to care for a sick husband/wife. The reality is that kids add a whole new dynamic to being sick. Before kids, if I or Faith were sick, we'd have some lazy days of TV watching, with the healthy spouse waiting hand and foot on the unhealthy one. With kids, that becomes more challenging. First, you must decide, "Should you both stay home, one being sick and the other taking care of kids, if they're at home, or can you handle having the kids all day even though your sick?" If your kids go to daycare, preschool, etc., this is an easy one. Don't keep them home, even though you'll be tempted, because you need your rest. The most important thing is for the sick patient to rest and begin the healing process. Therefore, the healthy spouse must step up to the plate! Men, this may mean you take the kids out of the house for a while, go out to eat, and entertain the kids so your wife can rest. Women, this goes the same for you if your husband is sick. I know for stay-at-home moms this can be difficult as you've already been with the kids all day, but you chose that life and you need to do for your husband what you would want your husband to do for you. I know sometimes I brag on my wife, but she was awesome this last time I was sick. Granted, she doesn't see me sick often, but she would have served me food in bed all day if I would have let her.
On the flip side, if you are the sick one, you need to be aware that you can be a burden. From experience with others, I have definitely noticed that for some reason most women deal with sickness better that men, especially mothers. Therefore, Men, sometimes you must suck it up. You may be feeling horrible and you may need rest, which you need to get, but don't make your wife baby you! Don't take her for granted as so many men do. I'm not saying to not act sick, because if you are then you need to do all you can to heal, but because your spouse with be exerting extra energy taking care of the children, you don't want him/her to feel like she/he needs to exert more energy on you. Likewise, sickness shouldn't prevent you from helping at the house but allow you to "work from home" or go places. If you can do those things, then you can help with the kids.
Being a sick parent is not fun, and being the healthy parent can take a lot of extra energy, but part of being a parent/spouse is being selfless, not just for your kids, but for your spouse as well, which sometimes we forget once the children arrive.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day!
Rather than take your tax return money and spend it all on a vacation, new piece of furniture, ect., put in toward something the will acquire more wealth in the future (mutual fund, stock, etc.).
First, let's look at how to care for a sick husband/wife. The reality is that kids add a whole new dynamic to being sick. Before kids, if I or Faith were sick, we'd have some lazy days of TV watching, with the healthy spouse waiting hand and foot on the unhealthy one. With kids, that becomes more challenging. First, you must decide, "Should you both stay home, one being sick and the other taking care of kids, if they're at home, or can you handle having the kids all day even though your sick?" If your kids go to daycare, preschool, etc., this is an easy one. Don't keep them home, even though you'll be tempted, because you need your rest. The most important thing is for the sick patient to rest and begin the healing process. Therefore, the healthy spouse must step up to the plate! Men, this may mean you take the kids out of the house for a while, go out to eat, and entertain the kids so your wife can rest. Women, this goes the same for you if your husband is sick. I know for stay-at-home moms this can be difficult as you've already been with the kids all day, but you chose that life and you need to do for your husband what you would want your husband to do for you. I know sometimes I brag on my wife, but she was awesome this last time I was sick. Granted, she doesn't see me sick often, but she would have served me food in bed all day if I would have let her.
On the flip side, if you are the sick one, you need to be aware that you can be a burden. From experience with others, I have definitely noticed that for some reason most women deal with sickness better that men, especially mothers. Therefore, Men, sometimes you must suck it up. You may be feeling horrible and you may need rest, which you need to get, but don't make your wife baby you! Don't take her for granted as so many men do. I'm not saying to not act sick, because if you are then you need to do all you can to heal, but because your spouse with be exerting extra energy taking care of the children, you don't want him/her to feel like she/he needs to exert more energy on you. Likewise, sickness shouldn't prevent you from helping at the house but allow you to "work from home" or go places. If you can do those things, then you can help with the kids.
Being a sick parent is not fun, and being the healthy parent can take a lot of extra energy, but part of being a parent/spouse is being selfless, not just for your kids, but for your spouse as well, which sometimes we forget once the children arrive.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day!
Rather than take your tax return money and spend it all on a vacation, new piece of furniture, ect., put in toward something the will acquire more wealth in the future (mutual fund, stock, etc.).
Monday, September 24, 2012
Parent Roles - Who's Right and Who's Wrong
It's been a few days since my last post because, well, we have three kids. More this week than in past weeks I was brought back to earth as to how much work it is raising children, especially little ones. I can't wait until there's no more diapers, no more brushing teeth, dirty underwear, etc! However, I know in some little way I'll probably miss all that when it becomes a distant memory. When such children experiences approach us, we must learn to deal with them. On that note, one of the greatest struggles parents have is dealing with discipline.
In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.
Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.
Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.
In many cases I think there are stereotypical statements we can make about mother and father roles in life. However, every family's parents deal with their parenting roles differently. Growing up, my mom was the one we'd rather not be disciplined by...can anyone say "wooden spoon!" My dad liked the soap in mouth method (oops, that's illegal now in many states!), and that wasn't fun either. It's interesting that we have many more problems with children today at the same time that we've stopped allowing for real discipline to take place. Ummmm...maybe a litte ironic. But I digress. Therefore, it's important to know how you're going to handle discipline, even when the children are very young. If you don't start young, you're asking for it later. As amazing as it seems to some people, I am more the disciplinarian in our family, but I also rile the kids up more and sometimes make it difficult for them to see the "fine line." Faith is definitely more loving and nurturing, no surprise to those who know her, so we've at times not always see eye-to-eye on discipline. Honestly, this definitely creates tension, especially when you're already frustrated from dealing with your children.
Therefore, you need to not only know how you deal with discipline, which sometimes takes time to figure out, but parents need to figure out how to be on the same page. Otherwise, that stress from discipline will creep into your marriage, which definitely can be detrimental. Men, if your wife stays at home, she usually gets her routine down as to how she wants to discipline, so it's best to follow her lead. Stay-at-home moms, at the same time if you're continually frustrated with a child's behavior, maybe your husband can shed some light on a new discipline approach. Parents who both work, sometimes you will deal with discipline problems different from those of other families because you're children are sometimes being negatively influenced by other children at day care, pre-school, etc. And, let's be honest, some of your kids are doing the negative influencing. Therefore, it's important to keep tabs with the teachers, baby-sitters, etc. to know what you as parents can work on to help your child.
Just remember that while discipline is a necessary part of parenthood, do it with love, not out of anger. If we respond out of anger, as I do too often, our children will learn to respond the same way. Christ continues to love us despite our constant mistakes, so we should show that same love to our children.
Financial Tip-of-the-Day
Use credit cards to provide frequent flyer miles and/or cash options. Of course, get out of debt first. We have earned many free trips, which has been great since both our families are out of state.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Find Some Storage!
While I addressed how expensive children can be in my previous blog, many of the expenses that come with children need a place to live! In other words, welcome to the world of storage!
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
After all the baby showers, you'll start to notice how many items, whether they be necessary items such as diapers or all the unnecessary toys, you now possess. I have always found it amazing whenever I walk into a home with new parents how many toys they have for a child who can't even smile yet! Now, we're just as guilty as the next family with this as we are constantly trying to figure out what toys and unnecessary items we can sneak out of the house. There are rattle toys, and of course you need about twenty of those, and then there are those soft books with all those different pieces on them that just get pulled off and chewed, and then there are the mountains of all kinds of different blocks, some with letters, some made out of wood, some of plastic, and some made out of soft material. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Here's my question: Is it really necessary for us to have every kind of toy out there, especially when we play with them more than the babies do (or clean them up)?
Then there's all the clothes, blankets, and "cute" little bibs that everyone needs. I understand how people, family and friends, love to bathe new parents and their children in mounds of new things, and we should appreciate that, but I still contend that all the money spent on some of those things would make a great investment for the future, rather than take up so much space in the house. Once everything begins to pile up, it's time to figure out the storage situation. If you don't figure this out early on, good luck! Give in and buy some good storage bins and shelving to start organizing. The cubed shelving that you can find at Target and Wal Mart and most other such stores is great. The canvas bins that go in them are great for hiding all the junk, I mean wonderful chilren's accessories, that you accumulate. I also advise looking into shelving that you can hang from your garage ceiling. While it may seem a little expensive at first, you can put all the bins of clothes you start accumulating on them, and they don't take up any wall or floor space. These can be found at Lowe's and Home Depot or other places online.
Just get used to the idea that you once you start having children, your nice, organized home will never look the same!
Financial Tip of the Day!
Before buying all new toys and clothes, look at Craigslist, freecycle, garage sales or Facebook Buy, Sell, Trade. All of these places can provide amazingly great items for a fraction of the cost.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Children are Expensive!
There are so many different new experiences and realities about parenthood that I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with one we can all relate to - Babies/children are expensive!
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
Go to garage sales, Craigslist, and children's used clothing/toys stores. Greed and envy often times lead us to live lives based on material possessions rather than on joy and contentment. New things can be great, and we have some, but financial freedom comes when we stop worrying about what we think we need and what we want people to think of us and start being content with where we are and with what we have.
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Before Faith had our first child, Isaiah, we both taught and had expendable income. Together we made a very comfortable living and were able to save. Then, Faith wanted to have a baby, and all that went away! Well, I didn't exactly do anything to prevent us from having the baby:) The months leading up to the birth were a gut check to say the least. We had to start buying baby things, toys, furniture, etc., but we also received many items, diapars, wipes, and toys as gifts or hand-me-downs from many people. Listen, put the pride aside and accept hand-me-downs. I'm not meaning to offend women here, but of everyone I know, women are much more likely to want the new things. Men, we must take a stand! Fortunatly, Faith was the one looking all over Craigslist and talking to her friends about how we could avoid buying all new things. Garage sales also quickly bacame an exciting time for Saturday mornings! Ultimately, you don't need new things! The media and society has sold us on this idea, and we've too often given in. Just remember to check for recalled items!
On the other hand, I never thought I'd be so excited by the proposition of someone throwing a diaper shower for Faith (remember, men don't get thrown parties). The greatest tangible gift parents can receive both during pregnancy and throughout the toddler years are wipes and diapers. Those things are so expensive! Here we are on our third child and we continue to be forced to buy those things. Ultimately, we could go with the new, improved cloth diapers, of which some of our friends have done, but that's just not happening! Plus, we'd still need wipes anyway. On that note, we've found it worth paying for an Amazon prime account because they have great deals on diapers and wipes, so you receive free shipping. Wow, I'm getting goose-bumps just thinking about wipes and diapers.
Now, as parents, we need to decide what we're going to cut out, or what new income is coming your way to help offset all the new expenses. And, those expenses don't go away. The kids get older, they eat more food, they start playing sports and instruments, and they they end up sucking you dry during their college years, so figure out how you're going to handle the new expenses. However, don't stress over it.
Many women continue to work, which is great if they truly enjoy it. Faith, wanted to stay home, so we not only lost an entire salary, but we lost her health insurance, so we've had to pay hundreds a month in family health insurance, along with living on my teaching job (remember, teachers teach for the love of students-not money!). You know what? We've made it, and if we've been able to do it, you can to. As I've said earlier, you need to learn to be content with what you have and you need to learn to prioritize. You don't have to give up all the golf outings, the boat, the cable, etc., but maybe you give up one of them or more and learn to be more creative with what you have. God got you to where you are, so put your faith in Him and watch as he carries you onward.
Financial Tip of the Day!
I'm pretty sure Audrey was excited about wearing second-hand clothes!
Questions:
I focused on only a couple of things, so what expenses have you dealt with in having children?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Parenthood Here We Come!
I thought I'd take a quick opportunity to take a step back and clarify a few things about my reason for writing the blog. My purpose is not to infuriate anyone or to place blame on anyone or "females" for that matter, and least of all I'm not in any way intending to slander my wife. On the contrary, my whole intent is to share true feelings (just writing that word is tough for me) that so many people keep bottled up and/or that can help shed light on what men experience throughout the pregnancy and childbirth process.
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| What could be better but a great family set against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains! |
As I shared multiple times in the pregnancy writings, before that first child, both men and women are looking at a complete life change. I think because women are carrying the child, they become more easily attached to this new reality. However, we men don't have that connection, so it's hard for us to feel that emotional attachment. Likewise, we so often see women receiving comfort and support from other women, and often times there's a void for us. Furthermore, as I've noted previously, most literature and information about pregnancy is either about preparing to be a parent, or is focused on women. Whether or not we admit, which I rarely do, men need support and like to know that we're not the only ones experiencing the angst, loss of self, etc. that surrounds the coming of a new child.
At the same time, once that child is born, we often times feel lost. We maybe haven't read all the literature that our wives have, or maybe we thought that magically out of the womb would pop the future Heisman Award winner or the future President (I wouldn't wish that on anyone); what comes out is God's beautiful creation, but it's foreign to us.
So before I continue forward, moving toward discussing what it's like to actually be a parent, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm not the perfect parent (well, at least today I wasn't), so not everything I write is true or is what you feel or have experienced, but I know that I'm not alone. Women, please realize that men don't think like you (I hope you've realized this or life is going to be difficult for you), and, Men, please know that even if you agree with what I say, don't always say so out loud to your wife!
Finally, while much of what I write is laced with sarcasm and friendly banter, I do believe in most of what I write. As we move now to talking about being a parent, please feel free to add comments and extra dialogue. Those words will help people see different perspectives of parenthood that can be very helpful. Likewise, feel free to share the blog with your friends, husbands, and family. Thank you for your support, and above all when all else fails with raising a family, Christ is always there for us to lean on.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Learn to be content with what you have. It's that selfishness, greed, and envy that most often sends us into difficult financial situations.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Get Rid of Stress!
Let's take some time this post to share things that parents do with babies that often times makes parenting a toddler much more stressful than it needs to be. Let me be clear that I know every baby is different and God's unique creation, so there are some exceptions to the words that follow, but have an open mind.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
1)You can put the baby down! So often we as new parents are so enamoured with the fact we actually have a being from ourselves that maybe has our eyes, cheeks, etc., that we don't want to put them down. However, if you don't put the baby down, you shouldn't be complaining when it's 2:30 a.m. and the only way you and the baby can sleep is if you hold him/her. As I've said before, babies are beings of habit. Don't contribute to that. They will survive without you holding them. An example of an exception here would be something my brother and his wife experienced with their first born. He had torticollis, which meant his muscles caused his head to turn to the side. Therapy helped with this, but imagine constantly living with a crick in your neck.
2)Swaddle - My sister-in-law pointed this out to me that I missed in my previous post. I've heard people say, "Wrapping the baby up can't be comfortable." So you're saying you know better than millions and millions of people who have swaddled their babies? Swaddled babies sleep better than unswaddled, which means you sleep better. Likewise, don't just swaddle at night, but swaddle during the day as well. You might suddenly notice your baby sleeping better during the day! If you've never swaddled, ask someone how, and give it a chance.
3)Crying - Crying is a natural soothing gift from God, but we often times use it as a crutch. I know I've harped on this before, but while allowing crying to happen at the beginning can be difficult and heart-breaking for some people it can be life-changing as the baby ages. The longer we enable our children and don't allow them to learn how to soothe themselves, the more difficult it is for them to acquire that soothing ability. Obviously, parents need to use good judgment with this as "crying it out" at two days old is different than at two months old, but if you're still having difficulty, two months is a safe time to allow some crying when putting them down to sleep. Now, that doesn't mean let them cry for an hour, but give it more than two minutes please.
4)Quit worrying about the baby's weight and fine motor development. I understand we want our babies to be perfect, and we want to them be healthy on the growth chart and we want them rolling over and smiling at two months, eating solids at four months, crawling at six months, walking before one, and speaking three languages by two, but that's not reality. Be patient. Our kids have all been small. We were told with both our girls to feed them all the fat we can (unfortunately, I heard, "Feed Dad all the fat we can) because they were so low on the chart, but give me a break. I have yet to see any ribs poking out, and they all had baby rolls. Even our youngest, Audrey, who's "0" on that dumb growth chart, looks obese compared to babies in other parts of the world. Plus, all the comparing with other babies as to how fast yours are developing is ridiculous. By kindergarten, those four months your son was behind in walking compared to your friends' children is irrelevant. He's probably faster than them now.
There are many more unnecessary issues we worry about with babies, which I'm sure I will share in the future, but we as parents need to learn to "relax." If you're stressed with all the issues your dealing with in having a new baby, that's normal, but don't be afraid to find ways to better manage the stress. Remember, you can ask people for advice and help. Just because the child is your baby doesn't mean you know everything! And, when all else fails, pray for patience and guidance.
Financial Tip of the Day:
Get out of debt! The first debt to overcome is credit card debt. Find something in your life you can cut out (might mean cable!) and put the money saved to paying off your debt.
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